Here's a site that I've visited when I was curious about specific womanly topics. I got the impression the site was written by women for women. It may not prepare her for losing her virginity, but it might help her to better understand and explore her sexual self.... the text can be very blunt and straight forward. I recommended leaving the site with her and letting her explore privately at her own pace. I'm not sure how you gave Pixies to her, but she may need the comfort of privacy to get started in exploration.

My Vagina

Try a search for “virgin” here at Pixies.

A lot of honest and insightful experience related in these pages.

there are myriad “sex-sites” out there. there are sites that explain it, sites that advocate it, or defile it, condemn it, edify it, exploit it and critique it. you’re not looking in the right places i think. i recommend you begin with links from places like planned parenthood here in the us. or a google search with the right key words. eduxcation can only be a good thing, so explore away together but as for how to go about the business of wooing her…i don't believe that you need woo a virgin any differently than you'd woo a prostitute or a widow or a college freshman or your adolescent crush.

to woo, or at least the connotation i get from the word, implies romance and emotion, not one-night-stands and fuck-buddies, meaning that you pretty much gotta wing it. courtship is a subtle yet dynamic dance. you can never push but never draw away. never judge but never see their blunders as meaningless. never force but you can’t be ineffectual, either. it’s a conundrum, and one that you must work out between you. she’s pretty much the only one that can give you the tools you need to unlock her sexuality. you said you two are already friends. gives you a one-up on most!

i gahtered from what you said that for her, her virginity is something precious. plus she’s skittish to boot. very very very different from the girl last week, so you should treat her accordingly. relationships don’t usually start with sex, sex is a sometime-down-the-road benefit. and even then, besides the obvious physical, there are so many pathways you walk to traverse the whole “mind game” that is emotional sex (meant not in that phrase’s manipulative sense but to express the fact that emotionally charged sexual relationships involve so much more of the brain than just the sating of lust on an available body). i can only hope your emotions involved are something more than selfish, they seem like they could be...

…and as to that issue this thread has dredged up, the issue of your intentions toward this woman and how you think of women generally, which should not be ignored as it is part and parcel of asking for advice. —and I want to inject here that i do not think anyone was unduly harsh, even for pixies— rest assured that there are those, even those who have been members for a long while, who have received advice that was unfavorable or unwanted. it’s what happens when you put yourself out there. there is no accounting for people’s tastes and you have zero control over the outcome. it is only your own input that you can control. but, and this is a big but, as long as anyone can think of sex as the remarkably wonderful consequence of life it is and not as something that should be tallied, debased or denigrated, i find the people here raect as an accepting, supportive and honest lot.

~funny thing: pixies are totally willing to be used and played with… as a free, living and breathing diorama of sexually charged people behaving in exactly those ways.

here it is as i see it —and i’m gonna get a bit harsh here— i have read some of your comments with the sarcasm you intended, quite a few actually…and I get that…that can be funny, but quite a few of your (notice the emphasis on ‘your’) choices of phrase were also churlish in nature and flippant at best. when describing something, personally i’d go with fact over ribald humor. specifically, in your case, andrew dice clay style one-liners. if i could apply a voice to you or draw a caricature of you, so to speak, I would label it ‘player’, or—more harshly still—‘player wannabe’ and a player, to my mind, is a walking metaphor for the full and complete list of what not to do.

but at times you can be guileless and thoughtful . the word woo, for instance. i took that at total face value. it’s a sweet word so you must have sweetness in you. the simple fact that here you are, back again, trying to explain yourself without going on the attack. i believe you when you say you realise she needs time. i’m going to go out on a limb here and say that you’re still a bit confused as to how you want to express your own sexuality. which, by the way, is not a bad thing. you remind me so much of my younger brother. he can tell me, all in the same breath, that he respects women (and mean it on a very real level) and that he would fuck that chick on tv…”if she had a bag over her head!” when I point out the polar differences to him he says it’s guy thing, he’s just bein’ funny. what I think? all he needs is to accept some guidance on the subject.


the written word.
i completely agree that emotional intention is nearly impossible to convey in a conversation that takes place on virtual paper,…even with the smiles :D…i confess i have agonized over a turn of phase before, myself and i have posted things that i wish i could take bakck but my chance has gone. no-one can ever understand what it is like to read their own words without knowing, firsthand, the intended delivery~where the drummer would improvise the rim-shot. you, yourself, misread a post or two on this very thread. got your back up a bit over something meant only in consideration. it happens.

when all else fails and it’s going down the toilet, be respectful and you can’t go wrong.

the cool part about forums is that you have allllll the time in the world to figure out how you wanna say something. but there comes a point at which the sum of all the parts will equal an irrefutable whole and whom you have shown yourself to be cannot be undone by a few poorly wordeded sentences. (i have always thought that there should be an etiquette sticky to give us all the skinny before we plunge blindly ahead :D) so as i see it you can either a.)choose your words carefully and if it’s a joke make sure it’s obvious or b.)inoculate us with your sense of humor until everyone finally gets it and put up with the ire you may bestir along the way. to be your whole self or a version of yourself…. a very profound decision indeed. for my part, i got a taste of this and i almost blew it. i recommend you compromise. be who you are in real life if real life allowed you to show a naked picture of yourself or voice an intimate thought and no-one had a single nasty thing to say about it and somebody even asked if you might be able to baby-sit their kids tomorrow.

just like anywhere…there will be people you like and people you don’t. there will be people who don’t like you, either. tragically, there is no law that states everyone must be friends. and, yes lixy told it true, we take the advice forum quite seriously ;)

errr….*flips up her skirt and wiggles her ass in due penance for this post’s garrulous nature…and all the big words:p*

this is the last time i pop into the advice column after smoking a pre-simcity joint. :eek: :p

IF an etiquette sticky ever does get made, I've got one vote right here that wyhndhy's post get made a part of it. That was wonderful.

To take my own stab at answering the question I imagine was intended, and I am sorry if I'm getting it wrong, if my partner was less adventurous than I was....but curious about the big, wide sexy world out there....I'd say you were doing it wrong, actually. I don't mean that badly...but as much as I do love that everyone's got their own kink, it can be pretty intimidating at first. Rather than try to convince her that cum-baths are perfectly healthy or deep-throating really is a blast (not saying those are what you're focusing on, truthfully I don't know what you're focusing on)...you've got to follow her lead. Find what interests her, or what turns her on. Not by taking her to a smorgasbord of sex and saying "choose my dearest, it's all good", but rather by listening to what she comes up with herself. At first that might be more focused on romantic vanilla sex....under a moon, or in front of a fire, or coming home and finding your SO in formal wear with a rose between their teeth. Classics that still turn my crank, but before I broadened my horizons THAT'S what I wanted. I worked my way into the rest of it slowly, and at my own pace, one step at a time.

I know you've said that she wants you to lead, but leading in the sense of pulling her along may not be right. And from what you've said, it doesn't appear to be working. Instead of trying to lecture her about all the good stuff out there, teach in the sense of a parent....holding her hands, keeping her steady and safe, while she teaches herself to walk. You've got a son, you remember what that was all about, right? :)

It may be a year before she decides she's ready. That's fine. It may be twice that before she wants to go for kink. You have to let that be ok too. Cause one of the things I've seen go wrong with my friends when they were starting to be sexual is that in order to impress/keep the more experienced men they were inevitably falling for...they tried to run before they could walk. They went for kink and technique to proove that they were "real women" and it shouldn't ever have been necessary.

And that's enough for me. Hope this helps some. Really, it is just a reiteration of what came before...but I couldn't help putting in my 2cents.

G

And on that note I say lets move on.

Seems everything that can be said has been.

There must be something else we can talk about...... :D

Well well. This is going well. Thank you ginger and wyndy for your very helpful insights.

Just a bit more about me. I am a leo and also a hopeless romantic when it comes to girls. I dote my time and attention on them and sure I get a slap in the face along the way. (who hasn't?)

I know this will contradict what I once said before but I'll also explain that as well.
Because I am a hopeless romantic and the right girl comes along as is in this case, I cross my t's and dot my i's accordingly. I don't rush anything nor do I take things for granted. Sure she wants to open her doors (so to speak) and try new things, but she will need guidance and I am more than capable of doing that. When she is ready then I get a stirring suspicion that I'll be the first to know.

Now the contradiction that I mentioned. In one of my previous threads and posts I have talked about this girl Krystal. Now the sad fact was she just wanted to have sex so she was no longer a virgin.

It actually goes against my character, yeah I'll probably get shot again here. And as I said before she was all over me like a bad habbit making it very clear as to what she wanted. (And they say that guys can't control themselves) So being a guy I did the only natural thing. Now I should have said no or this is not the way I go about things.

Amy was a different case. Her and I clicked from the word go,I know that we had sex but it wasn't rushed or prefabricated. It just happened in a, (for a better or worse word) normal way.

Now as far as me being an egotistical male as I may have portrayed myself in the past, I don't see women as sex objects nor do I wish too. Sure I may think about bonking a girl but that is only a thought. (like anyone it's human nature to think that of the opposite sex)

Those that take the time to get to know me in here will also see my unique and often very funny sense of humour. I have indicated a "joke" here in brackets to hopefully get the correct meaning without getting blasted again.

Good grief! You long winded posters need to put cliff's notes at the bottom or something for us small minded tools who can't comprehend it all!!!

Just kidding...much love thrown out to some very sound thinking :x:

I love reading your post's wyndhy...but my ADD kicked in big time! Thank goodness you said something about big butts, cause it helped get me back on track again! :D

Mark - you are paying the price for the tone you inadvertently set with your first posts. Had you been more elaborate with the details, as you did above, everyone may have had a better understanding of where you're coming from. Referring to intercourse with the previous virgin as a Mercy Fuck labled you someone with no respect for women. Outlining the circumstances as you just have, indicates that you did something that brings the respect you have for yourself into question. We've all made mistakes. Recognizing them and learning from them helps shape us into better people. We only have what you tell us to figure out who you are. And knowing who you are helps us to answer your questions.

Speaking of your question...from what I can determine, you are dating a virgin that seems sexually curious at times but because of her upbringing, is inhibited and unknowledgable in intimate matters. She has expressed this to you and requested that you help her explore the world of sex so that when she is comfortable with the idea of intercourse...she can enter into the experience with an informed mind, and ready to have fun. As part of your crusade for information to present her with, you have enlisted the aid of Pixies. Well, I can tell you that there aren't many places out there that can help anyone become informed with the idea of sex better than Pixies can. But it's not through us answering your questions that she will benefit, but through wandering around previous posts (as PF suggested) and by asking her own. In my opinion...the best thing you can do to help her is to send her the link.


I'm wildirish...and I approve of this message. :D

Well WI I take a bow to you my man. I also hope that my explaining myself better this time round get's me on a better track with those here.

I swore I wasn't going to post to this thread again but here goes....

Your young lady is Asian.
Being so she has probably been brought up in a completely different culture and has a mindset that you cannot fathom. You need to become educated about her.
Maybe you should investigate through reading what has brought her to the belief system she has had ingrained in her.Once you understand the cultural difference more, maybe then she can slowly learn yours.

That's it! I am out of here!

it might or itmight not but you are going about it the right way and that's something to be proud of. :x:

oh, and WI?...





















:moon::p

Ok Bibi. As it stands I am in the middle of said negotiatians. I am getting to understand her and surprise surprise making good progress.

Don't tease me like that! :D

You can tease me like that ANYTIME. :lust:

Why thank you PF...I didn't know you even noticed! ;)

*Bursts into the thread...holding a droopy chocolate licorice straw as if it were a gun*

NOBODY MOVE! THIS IS A HIJACK! No one will get hurt as long as you follow my instructions!

OK MM...this is what I want you to do. Take some new pics of yourself...sitting at your puter with a pic of me (your fave from my archives) visible on your monitor and a handful of cum! Make a new picture thread and name it "Lixy Made Me Do It". PM me as soon as the thread is done...and we'll see about my coming out to visit you! :devilish:

*Bites a chunk off the licorice straw and blows on the piece left as if it were a smoking gun*

OK EVERYBODY...RESUME WHAT YOU WERE DOING!

Oh...*curtsey*...and thank you for letting me hold ya here for a while. I don't really have a gun *giggles and holds up the limp licorice*...I was just joshing you. :rofl:

*A :x: for MM...full on the lips...and as I speed out the door I hear whispers of, "Who was that sweet hijacker"?*

That wasn't me you heard.



I was the one that said "nice ass". :D

So, as I am still a virgin (and yes, one very very reluctant about sex), I hope that I can help you understand her train of thought. There are a lot of things about sex that I don't understand and probably never will until I really experience it. There is a lot of fear in the unknown and sex is not an exception. I have recently started dating a guy who respects me enough to accept that I am not ready for sex. Putting pressure on someone to experience something that they feel they are not ready for is disrespectful. It is a big step for some people and making such a decision takes time. The only way to "woo" her is to give her time to become comfortable with sex on her terms. Pressuring just makes it worse. If you really care about her, you will respect her decision and not question it. She will decide when she is ready for it. It's hard enough to make that decision on your own without having someone on the sidelines trying to coach you too. Really, it's all about choosing what is right for you and making sure that it IS right. It's a big step for some people and it deserves a lot of consideration and understanding from both sides. :)

Mark...When she's ready, she'll let you know. Don't push it. If you care, like you say you do, let it be. Seems like you're the one with the problem. Sex is not a "be all and end all". Look at the bigger picture.

I forgot to mention that if you try to pressure her into this there's a good chance you will lose her. It only makes sense that if you care, you care about her completely.....her thoughts, beliefs, morals, etc.

Ahhh, Mercury_Maniac.:rolleyes2 ………………… I know where you can get some of those if you need them. :o

well is that all? :D

as soon as i get a chance i'll get right on it :devilish:

Mae all I am trying to accomplish here is to give her all the advice and pertinent info on this. So she can make a choice whether she wants to experiment or not. It is her body after all, and it's an unchartered area for her.

AV not to worry I am not pressuring her. I am merely gathering info and advice for her. So she can make her own decission.

Well well, now this thread is starting to really gather some momentum. Keep it coming people.

I didn't think that I would come back here either, but I have a personal experience, or journey if you will, that I want to share with you Mark that I hope will maybe have you understand her relunctance or "block" as you call it and the curiosity.

When I married Cobalt I was ignorant and a prude about certain aspects of sexuality or "kink" as some call it here ;) . He, being a very sexual person, exposed me to many different ideas and I did explore them through reading, internet and books, because I was curious. However, my level of curiosity didn't match my comfort level. Because of a past relationship, I was totally against porn (mags, vids, etc.) He wanted to discuss what I was discovering because it interested him. At times, I felt as if he were pushing me to try things out and I wasn't really sure if I was ready or interested. I needed my time alone to discover if I was interested in trying some things, I needed to gather the information at my own speed without him trying to give me the information from his perspective. At times I felt pushed into things that I wasn't sure I was comfortable with in order to please him. His persistence (in my mind and in his he was only helping me over my block) at times made me mad and I would go into the "damned if I will do it for you" mode.

What he did do eventally, after I explained to him what I was feeling, was leave me alone about my explorations. He lets me find things, "research" and then if I am interested I bring it up. He does occassionally bring up an idea or shows me something on the internet that interests him, but he leaves it up to me to decide if I want to explore that.

He doesn't have a mission to give me all the information, or to help me over my hump or increase my comfort level. He lets me do that. And that is what I suggest you do with your friend. Give her the places, books, mags, where the information is at and let her explore on her own and explore alone where she isn't hovered over. Let her discover for herself and satisfy her own curiosity by herself for now. Oh, you can be there if she has questions, but just answer the question or perhaps point her to a source for information.

Does she have her own internet connection? If she does, just give her this site address and let her explore it on her own by herself for now without hovering over her or being in the same place as she is. Let her grow on her own, but be there for her when she has questions.

Thanks Chey. Well I am doing that as well. I have given her various sites to check out. I gave her pixies but she didn't have a look. She may have in her own time. Maddy gave me a good link that I sent to her. She had a look and found it helpful.

From what she has told me already, she wants to try a coulple of small things first before she goes any further. Baby steps. Now of course I am listening to her and just holding her hand for any support she may need.

I can also understand how overwhelming her with too much can get on her case. As it is, she is actually taking it all in good stride.

Awesome. Give her info on what she asks about and go at her pace. Good luck with your relationship! :)

Thanks AV. I'll keep it in mind. The good thing is she is willing to try things. Now at her pace and when she is ready of course. So I'm just hanging on for the ride (so to speak). It will be an interesting time for her. I also get a sneaking suspicion that when she is ready I'll be the first to know.

Mark...AV has good advice and she puts it in writing well.

Mae, I realise that. I am just waiting for anymore advice to float through here.

I just wanted to say thank you to all the pixies who have put their view across on this sensitive and often touchy subject.

I have heeded the advice that all of you have said and will put it to good use at the correct time.

So again......thank you all.

ok
 

this is where i officially and publicly appologize to mark for being semi rude to him one nit in chat I am truly sorry for being semirude mark please accpt this appology and lets start fresh ok?

I haven't read most of the posts. I got so far and then decided I really didn't want to read it all, and so I may make some redundant or even pointless points here. Who knows, maybe you even already had sex with her. But here goes anyhow.


In my opinion, the most important thing you can do is to be open about things yourself. Behave as if sex is a natural, and wonderful thing. Behave as if every part of her is beautiful and wonderful. Behave as if you're surprised she thiniks of any part of sex as "wrong" or "bad." And mention that "yes, I'm dirty minded alright" with the attitude of "dirty" as a fun word, not a "bad" word. Help her understand the difference.

Be open yourself to new things. Not to put too fine a point on it, but here's a PERFECT example: If, say, you were to have oral sex, but then you didn't want her to kiss you after a blow job. This is a HORRIBLE double standard. Honey, if it's good enough for her mouth, it had DAMN WELL better be good enough for yours. If it's not, you'd best think twice before you allow her to do something that's not good enough for you! Much less ask her to....

The next thing is to treat her statements with respect. How do you do that? It's kind of vague, I think. Here's one way. If she thinks that oral sex is dirty, don't ask for it again. Ask if you may be allowed to just try it on her, if she says no, then let the issue drop. Bring it up again later on, after she's relaxed about other things some. Bring it up in a very sincere, GENTLE manner. Make it always a request, and a very loving one. Never pressure, never push, never demand. Always drop the subject for a long period of time after it's been discussed once. Always present it as if you don't understand her issue with it being dirty. Never agree or say you understand. Simply that you respect it and accept that she feels that way.

Never EVER, no matter WHAT, speak badly of another woman for doing something you want her to do!!! I cannot possibly stress that enough, if I made it red, huge, all caps, and with flames coming off it. What you say about other women ABSOLUTELY and TREMENDOUSLY impacts your SO's views.

If you don't want her to feel that you'd look down on her for wearing a thin shirt so her nipples stand up and can be seen, DO NOT DO IT TO OTHER WOMEN. Ever.

Additionally. With a woman who has these strict values, you will need to remain faithful to her. Perhaps some time later, she may become interested in other people entering the relationship. She may not. If you cannot live with that, then walk away now, because it's a 20/80 chance with the higher proportion going towards not wanting it.

Meaning, no more "she was putting her pussy right in my face and begging me to fuck her, I had no choice!" You have a choice. If you can't wait for this woman, you can't wait for her, and you need to move on, because all you will do is hurt her. Unless, of course, you don't care about that and just want to ejaculate into a warm body.

In which case, buy a goat. Just ask her for permission first. :rofl:

Buy a goat? :confused:

What'd the poor goat do? And do you mean "ask the goat for permission" or ask his girlfriend for permission to purchase said goat?


I'm sorry...I'm a little woozy from that line about stiff nipples in thin shirts. :D


Ok, serious talk now. Good job sweetlady. :thumb:

Well, ask the goat, of course! Consentual sex is the only way to go!

I was gonna suggest a RealDoll, but they're too big to warm up in the microwave to body temperature....

Well, what if you just nuke the good stuff? :grin:

Okay, I've read the thread now.

I'm going to make a really wild, out of the blue, odd suggestion. From some of the sounds of it, she may want to be dominated. I would need more information to be certain, but that's how it sounds.

http://www.castlerealm.com/

This is an excellent site to help you understand women who want or need this.

The first most important and serious thing I can tell you about this is this... whatever you do, go about bringing it up with absolute love, care, and concern. It's not a simple thing, and it's important that you introduce her to the idea slowly and build up trust. If you discover that she's a submissive woman, and the next day tell her to get on her knees and suck you off, you'll ruin everything in one instant. Don't do it, you'll destroy her emotionally and mentally with that bullshit.

And the next thing I want to say is that you should never, ever, at any time, assume that just because she's submissive and wants to be dominated (IF YOU DISCOVER THAT AT ALL) it means she wants to be hurt or given pain. Particularly in the asian culture, domination is mental, not physical, so it's unlikely that she'll be interested in whips and chains, you'll have to be more creative than that.

In my opinion, and that's all it is, and please, please, tread carefully here.... she is a submissive woman. She does look to you for guidance, thus she expects YOU to the one who tells her whether or not it's digusting to do this or that. But in order to be able to tell her that it's desirable behavior from her, you must earn her trust on a deep, fundamental level.

Notice I said EARN it. Keep in mind that to truly dominate a woman, it must be something she's aware of, and that she's GIVING to you. All control over another person is given. As a submissive who left my controlling (note I didn't say dominating, but controlling) husband who decided to force control over me, let me tell you that it's a rough road to recovery and to allowing yourself to trust again afterwards.

That is the effect you can have on this woman... you can teach her that her submissive nature (again, assuming that's how she is!! and she may not be!!!!) is a good, beautiful, desirable, wonderful thing. Or, you can destroy her by preying upon it and being a devourer who violently attempts to rip her freedom from her. If you do the second, you WILL lose in the end, it WILL come back to bite you horribly and painfully.



I am offering this site to you, as it seems that you may have a woman on your hands who "needs your guidance and instruction" and actually wants it to be thus.

It teaches you how to guide from a hand of gentleness and compassion, how to be a loving "master" instead of a demonic destroying incubus. It teaches you your responsibilities, it guides you in the proper approach to her and in how to protect her and meet her needs. That is the give and take of this sort of relationship. Do not look into it lightly, because the weight of being a master or "dom/me" is a heavy one, and only a fool attempts it without genuine wisdom, understanding, and caution.

In particular, pay close close attention to this particular page before even THINKING about approaching her with the concept: http://www.castlerealm.com/subspace/subneed.htm

And again, if you are not ready to accept a VERY heavy responsibility, don't even think about clicking those links, because you will fail if you are not ready to become truly responsible and to have the overwhelming, omnipresent weight of having someone else's life and hopes in your hands. If you think about that for a while, and don't get a sense of awe and fear so intense it gives you goosebumps and moves you nearly to tears, you're not ready to even consider it. It's that important, it's that heavy a responsibility.