To me motivation makes the difference.......Sugar says the married man she had the affair with is in a relationship where the love appears to be gone. It is simple to fall into an affair when you have nothing to lose. His relationship was over before he had sex with someone else.

I read once somewhere that we are drawn to people not really for who they are, but how they make us feel about ourselves when we are with them........ to me this is why people cheat.

Exactly, Lilith, motivation is what counts. I agree. And even if it was only for a relatively short time (this affair), I felt totally loved, understood and cared for. At the same time, Karaoke girl, I think you're right too. Some people have love for many people, sometimes even at the same time. This doesn't make us bad people, but sometimes it is difficult for others to understand. It is for me, too, when I am the one who has to share a loved one...

Confusing? Never mind....

Not confusing, Sugar. I understand what you (and Lilith) are saying, and I think I tried to touch on that myself. An affair isn't necessarily done just for the sex, but often because we get something else out of it--that feeling of being loved, understood and cared for, friendship, or, at the very least, a lesson learned. As you say, the people involved in such a situation aren't bad people...just people who have made alternative choices. And...loving more than one person at a time is a whole other subject...and often very difficult.

Do you think someone can have an affair (continuous) and the sole motivation be sex?

and the love thing.......I am not touching that one either..........LOL

No, unless the sex is pretty damn good, definitely not. Even then, over time, I don't think you can have (and I laugh as I type this) continuous sex with someone without feelings of some sort (friendship or whatever) developing.

And I'd run, Lilith, as fast as you can from the "l" word. :)