Gloria: "We're in love!"

Snake: "Don't say that, baby. I'm gonna win you back if I hafta pistol-whip this guy all night."

Mom: "Honey, last night you were up until dawn trying to circumcise ants."

Milo: "That's not crazy, it's just good hygiene."

"Eskimo Joe, you ol' whale-stabber! How are ya?" -Bob Oblong

"It's right outta Norman Rockwell; a boy and his narcoleptic dog." -Bob Oblong

"How ya like me now, chinstrap?" -Captain Murphy

Master Shake: "Will this hurt him?"

Frylock: "It shouldn't."

Master Shake: "Then why are we doing it?"

"Bears are crazy ones. They'll bite your head if you're wearing steak on it." -Space Ghost

"Good lord! The rod up that man's butt must have a rod up its butt." -Chalmers

Skinner: "What's so special about tonight?"

Mother: "Nothing! Now put on your special suit and get in the car!"

Lisa: "A rose by any other name would smell just as sweet."

Bart: "Not if they called 'em stench-blossoms."

Abe: "Hey, beautiful."

Agnes: "In your dreams."

Abe: "We'll see about that! *passes out, snores*"

"Come, boogaloo with Rolf! Show me where your momma lives!" -Rolf

Karl: "How was I supposta know you liked her?"

Bravo: "Hot babe... with a treehouse. What's not ta like?"

"Oh, yeah. Your dad usta be smart as a monkey. Then his brain got lazy, and now, he's as dumb as a chimp." -Abe

Ms. Krabappel: "'Embiggens'... hmm... Ya know, I never heard that word until I moved to this town."

Other teacher: "I dunno why. It's a perfectly cromulent word."

"Could you get yer spine outta my eye, please?" -Bravo

"I know yer worried that I'm much prettier than you, but maybe the kids'll look like me. Now pucker up. It's time ta do the face-tango." -Bravo

"Well, alright. If it makes me look manly and rugged. Now gimme my makeup!" -Bravo

Fish: "He poisoned our water supply, burned our crops, and brought a plague upon all our houses!"

Mob: "He did?"

Fish: "No, but are we just gonna stand around until he does?!"

"Don't take my mouth!" -Ed

Simpsons:

Lisa: Gross, how long has this box of baking soda been in here??

Marge: I don't know, came with the house.

Bart: Hey Homer, bet you five bucks you can't eat the whole thing.

Homer: 5 bucks, make it 50 bucks!!

Lisa: I will call poison control

"Hmm... must be the Hall of Giant Chattering Joke Teeth. Every themepark has one." -Bravo

"Hey, look at me. I'm a spoooooooky janitor." -Bravo

"Dental college? That would explain the lack of freakish carnie workers." -Bravo

"Don't touch me, kid. I got some seriously twisted mojo goin' on here." -Bravo

"Johnny, women like sincerity. Once you can fake that, you'll have it made." -Schoolhouse Rock guy

Bravo: "What am I supposta do with this?"

Surfer: "Ya gotta jazz the glass, daddy-o."

Bravo: "Nuh-uh, man. That sounds nasty."

Patrick: "Hey, Spongebob."

Spongebob: "That's hall-monitor to you."

Patrick: "Sorry, officer."

Spongebob: "Now you just need a symbol of authority."

*Patrick puts an ice cream cone on his head, then points to it*

Spongebob: "Perfect."

"A gun is not a weapon, Marge. It's a tool, like a butcher's knife, a harpoon, or a, uhh... uhh... alligator." -Homer

Homer: "Joke's on you, buddy. There's no bullets in that gun."

Snake: "Gimme the bullets."

Homer: "Okay! Just please don't shoot me."

Plankton: "I don't understand. I feel all tingly inside. Should we stop?"

Spongebob: "No, that's how you're supposta feel!"

Plankton: "Then let's do it again!"

Patrick: "You're a turkey!"

Spongebob: "What's that?"

Patrick: "It's what you are!"

Spongebob: "Yeah? Well, you're a bigger one!"

Bob Oblong: "Sweetie, a wasp's nest isn't really a proper pinata."

Mom Oblong: "Honey, I'm entertaining on a budget here."

Kid with the stick: "Owww!! The candy's stinging me!!"

"Now clear outta here. This jungle of peenies is making me uncomfortable." -Bob Oblong

Harvey Birdman: "You speak Japanese?"

Peanut: "I get by."

Harvey Birdman: "Great! Ask them what they're doing here and tell this one to back up a foot-and-a-half."

Murphy: "Nails are like candy to robots. And we'll eat tires for food."

Debbie: "No, we won't."

Murphy: "Maybe you won't."

"Aaaaand there go my nipples again." -Murphy

Frylock: "I wonder who killed Carl's car."

Master Shake: "A car can't be killed... it was murdered."

"Are those the better-check-your-wallet Ed boys?" -Rolf