My dog ate my Penis...
 

OK, you are out at night, somewhere you arnt supposed to be and you are running late and want to run a lot later....I need some good excuses...

During the winter it is easy here in IL, just blame it on the snow or a car that wont start...but what about when that wont work..


Excuses needed....and the lame or outrageous are welcome :D

Perhaps Locusts....or Alien abuductions always work to explain those marks on your ass :o

Fish attack!

I think got a bad batch of fish balls.

I was on my way home...when a group of ninjas jumped out from the shadows and attacked me.. Really, I'm lucky to be alive.. I dunno.. It could work!

I just have to run out for more Dorritos.































Oh sorry I'm late! The store was out so I had to drive north to get some.;)

"DON'T send the ransom!!:eek: I finally escaped."








no.... huh?:rolleyes:

I was coming home, really I was. But in a freak case of mistaken identity, I was arrested for the murder of a chicken farmer and her entire flock of birds.

“I was walking out the door to come home and four porn starlets stopped me and said they wanted to make a movie with me and had a room setup around the corner.”:rolleyes:


"OK…….. What really happened?":mad:

"I had a flat tire.":(










Never START with a flat tire story.;)

I got on the wrong plane:o

Your not gonna believe me I know, but it's the truth.......

I was driving home and noticed my fuel was low. I remembered passing the gas station a ways back so I turned the car around and got a fill up. I guess I was so tired that I started off driving again but in the wrong direction.....By the time I figured out what the hell I had done I thought you would be asleep or I would have called. I'm such an asshole and I am sooooo sorry!!!!!!!! :)

Not entirely funny, but my Dad actually MET a guy who had gotten on the wrong plane. Flying to Anchorage from LA....kept looking at his watch and saying "damn, aren't we in SF yet?" Dad just couldn't bear to tell the guy.

I'm just going for a long shopping weekend with Summer;)

I was streaking naked through this room, singing the YMCA, when...

<---regrets reading this post... :rolleyes:


;)


rabbit

Well the restaurant was really crowded and the service was terrible so lunch turned into dinner;)

The deadlocked door of the kirk slammed shut and it took the vicar and

myself till now to pick the lock 'cos the keys were in the rectory

and his housekeeper was over at her sister's because the poor

thing had a headache caused when she hit her head chasing Mrs

Jones' cat which ate her budgie after a tennis ball knocked over the

cage which caused Susan to lose her concentration in a vital set and

the St Andrews tennis team won again so they all had to go down

to the pub.............

*crossing legs to avoid peeing pants* OMG OF!!!!! OMG!!!

*****Land Shark*****

*****Candy Gram*****

And.....I opened the door and these jaws got me and sucked me outta the house......and here I am babe.....and lived to tell about it......ergo all the gashes (scratches) all over my body! Fuckin OUCH! I'm tired!

an excuse...

you could always claim to be having sex in the back seat with a stranger.... ROFL

Or...

Some asshole put superglue in my door lock.. and can't get it open....

Fabulous! Can I use this one?
 

I've always sucked at excuses... I'm sooo terrible at lying that I generally end up tellin the truth...

Re: Fabulous! Can I use this one?
 

If it works let me know! LOL

um seriously boss i was gonna be ontime i left like 30 min early but well there was this lady on the side of the road and her tire was flat and she was i labor so i had to deliver the kid then change the tire and then i had to drive home and change cuz u know i was nasty dirty after that..oh..the other 2 days i wasnt here.. well yea.. i know i was sposed to be here but the labor lasted like 48 hours..what?..why didnt i call on my cell phone..well ..um sir , its like this, the ................

You saw an old friend?
Constipation has made you a walking time bomb (that one would work for you, wouldn't it, Skippy?)
A filling in your tooth fell out and you need emergency surgery?

"Listen, I just decided to stay out late someplace I know you wouldn't approve of ... so there!" :)

Then I'd have to decide what to say once I did find a phone. :(

"I was kidnapped by Jenna Jamieson and pack raped by a busload

of her friends."

Oh, all right, I was down the pub with Jeff and Frog.

I left work and was driving along when I realized I had to pee really bad. So I pulled over to the side of the road and walked into the bushes a little. While I was urinating, I saw that I was overlooking a yard with a pretty lady sunbathing in the nude and I became aroused. I began pleasuring myself when her dog started barking and alerted her. Quickly, I turned around and ran back to my car, trying to pull my pants up on the way, when the commuter van filled with nuns pulled over to see if I was broken down. I would've called you from the police station, but I spent my one phone call on legal counsel. See what happens when you don't give me enough sex? None of this would've happened if you just used your hand on me once in awhile! Now look at all the trouble you caused! I hope you're happy!

I got this phone call out of the blue from some guy who said, if I'd meet him, he'd feed me Salisbury steak and mashed potatoes. How was I to know he was all the way in Connecticut?


:D :p :D