Welcome to Pixies
 

or maybe not...


We, at one time, were considered a forum that was very accepting of newbies unlike some sites where newbies experience a trial by fire just to speak their minds. Members who had bad attitudes usually didn't hang around, not because we ran them off but because they usually didn't get the attention they wanted. Recently we had a situation where some people felt a fairly new member was being flamed and some did not. Now I've noticed that a post in personals has turned into an opportunity to scold someone for their attitude based on their first post...in my personal opinion...it's easier to just not respond if you are not interested, especially in personals. When the next new member goes to post there to introduce themselves, and they see that, what is the chance they will post without hesitation?

My goal is to always be bringing fresh life to this site...I consider every new member someone who can potentially be a fun active part of this site. While many of them never post a word, I surely don't want our reaction to other members to hinder the chance they will do so. And is why we have never permitted flaming.


The idea here has always been as an inclusive not exclusive group. Some people have expressed in some recent posts that they felt "left out" or that they just never feel like they are part of te group. While I realize that some people never really feel they belong (to anything), I've been wondering what can be done to make newer and even less vocal members feel as "at home" as many of te rest of us do??? How can I make people feel less like a newbie when I don't view them as a newbie anymore???

Anyway, I just wanted you guys to know that this is something that is concerning me. While I've been to sites that really flame people and where flame wars are the common posting rather than the rarity, and we are nothing like those places, I don't like the idea of slowly developing into that sort of place.

I think it's important to be able to express ourselves freely here but that rule has to apply to everyone. We take everything here really personally because we all care so deeply for eachother and that's never a bad thing unless it turns us into a forum where everyone feels the need to have their 2 cents without thinking about how their posts affects the group as a whole, as well as those about to sign up next. Newbies don't know that yet and we really can't expect them to, considering the status quo on many other sites differs from this one dramatically.

Some people feel that controversial or hot topics are taboo here. While that is not a rule, it seems to stem from the fact that often people are unable to express their own view without putting down someone else's. It seems to turn people defensive and just hasn't been successful here often. Feelings get hurt and there are definitely people who can't support their own feelings in any other way than to degrade someone else's. While debate is healthy, raging emotions and confrontational attitudes, are not and it's hard to have one without the other creeping in. But that doesn't mean that if you really want to talk about something, that you shouldn't. It just means be prepared for it to get warm.

I suppose I am just thinking outloud here, and it's probably a mistake before coffee has started working but I just want you to know that I consider the growth of this site crucial to it's existence and that I spend a lot of time trying to figure out how to make that happen.

If you have views on how I can assist both long-time members and newbies to get the most out of this forum, I'd appreciate hearing them.

Agreed
 

I have been around pixies for a couple of years now. Though most people are tried to be made to feel at home, there are always some people you just can't get along with. I don't post much any more, but I felt this one deserved a response. I have been here under some other names, I made a new one to become anonymous. There is, of course, a group of people on pixies that are better friends than others. That is because more time is spent in chat among that group. That doesn't mean anyone is being left out. That just means they have to jump into chat and get with it. I don't feel that anyone should be offended by the pixie-elite group just because they know all about the site and have been online (and in some cases offline) friends for a long time. I do agree that "flaming" someone is, indeed, very wrong. I have been to a few places where I was burned because I was a newbie. Give people a chance to learn the site, learn the programming, then maybe they can get to the point where everyone else is. I know there is a tech support forum here, but maybe there should be a Newbie Instruction Guide too. That would save everyone some trouble (not to mention maybe I could figure out how to get to chat now since I've been kinda out of the loop for a while).

I think your musings before coffee has set in are right on target Lil .. :D

This has been something that I have been thinking about too. As a member that has been here a while, and I am only speaking for myself, I have a comfort level as far as what and how I post. Other members who have been here a while know my style and how I word things. I think that sometimes I forget that not everyone will understand or even take the "tone" of my posts in the way that I intended to be - especially newbies.

I have, in the past, been vocal about my beliefs. The responses that I received from other members are ones of - ok, I understand that you feel that way - but that isn't how I feel. However, I respect your opinion. That doesn't make you wrong or right. I think that attitude is why we don't have a lot of flaming - especially with the members who have been here a while. And I know that I don't always think about how my post is going to be received because of that.

When I was a newbie (couple of years ago), I made the effort to join the group. I initiated conversations and didn't wait for someone to hold my hand and invite me. I read, read, and read some more to gauge the tone of the people who were participating and patterned what I did after those older members. That, I believe was my responsibility as a newbie. I also recognized that this place had a certain comfort level for all members and didn't make demands to be noticed by posting or creating threads that I didn't think out better.

Those newbies who introduce themselves are welcomed warmly with hopes that they join in by posting and being told by other members that this is a cool place to be. They are encouraged to take a look around and get to know us. I think that is just one thing we can do as older members to make newbies feel welcome. It was their choice to join the site, and it is their responsibiltiy to "gauge the tone" of the people and the place. As older members we can also be more tolerant of newbies too - especially when they first start posting. Many newbies really don't know that this is an international forum and don't understand that some terms or references can be viewed differently by people from different countries. That takes some getting used to ... LOL

Typically, my rule of thumb is to read a thread or post, and if it is in tone that I don't agree with I don't usually respond. However, sometimes I feel the need to put in my 2 cents and I do worry sometimes whether or not it is appropriate and ask for an opion from a mod.... just as you know Lilith... But I do reserve the right to state what I believe - and I do that because of how the majority of members feel here - you have the right to your opinion - that doesn't make it right or wrong and I appreciate that you do have an opinion even if I don't agree with it.

If people feel as if they don't belong I personally can't do more than what I do already. I don't feel like I should change the way I am and bend over backwards for someone who doesn't try to mode what they post after the tone of our home.

Good thread Lilith and I really agree with what Cheyanne said here. I know when I came here I read much more then I posted so I could get to know the members. Since I wanted to be a part of the Pixie family it was mostly up to me to get to know everyone and let them know me.

Now I love a good debate and since I am a conservative I know that my opinions could often be objected to. I don't feel I have to go shoving my beliefs at people that don't share them. But when I do say something outside of what most people think I don't expect to be flamed. Like Lil I have been on boards where flaming is the norm. The first time I did a post that disagreed with the majority I was nervous. I didn't want to be flamed and not liked. But through that post I met a wonderful friend and we don't let our difference get in the way because we respect each others rights to have our own opinions and beliefs. Everyone I believe should find some common ground and make the effort to get along.

I do also think the ones that are part of this board and feel comfortable should make an effort to embrace a newbie. Which I think most of us do. I have been on many message boards and Pixies has the best sense of family I have seen yet. Not to mention the best moderators which is vital to the well being of any board. :)

A newbie agrees
 

Yo Lil. Now we all know how my little start went down. I just want to put my view across as to a suggestion on perhaps how to allow a newbie to come in "clean" (so to speak).

Now ok granted my entrance wasn't the most gracefull but we live and learn.
As a introduction into joining, a "code of conduct" page/popup should come up and must be read by the newbie before walking in the door. Showing what will be tollerated and what won't be. More importantly if they need any further help they should be steered towards a mod.

Also perhaps a newbie camp should also be put in place. Where the newbies can have a platform to go from. So they can all "meet" chat and such and such. This platform will also enable them to develop the correct skills/conduct etc for the rest of the site. Also if they have any concerns or they wish to say something but are not sure if it will go down the right way with the rest of the community. Now obviously a mod would be required to watch over the group until such time the mod feels that they have sufficient exposure to venture out on their own.

I know it sounds as if you may be babying them, but it would only be used for those who really are struggling or are raising a few eyebrows.

Having already posted over 100 myself so far I have gotten the "groove" of the site now. Sure I will faulter a bit here and there, but I am past that initial start. So I am not sure if this has helped, but I do hope that it is taken in the correct context.

I've put out more "Welcum to Pixies" than I dare to count! I've replied to introduction threads with enthusiasm and warmth. I enjoy meeting new Pixies and I let them know I am glad that they have posted. I've tried to steer them in the right direction when it comes to "getting to know us".

I've only ever come across a newbie that rubs me the wrong way a handful of times. Hey! We can't love everyone all of the time! And when I get a vibe from someone that doesn't sit right with me, I try to get to the bottom of it. On a few occasions I have said some (IMHO) "diplomatic" things directly in a thread...that could be construed as flaming. In all honesty, if the poster comes off as cocky and a know-it-all...I've tried to "set the record straight" about how we handle things around here. I can count on one hand, how many times I have jumped to the defense of the site and raised a rash of shit over the audacity of a newbie! I think that some people just love showing off their self imposed intelligence or wit...which in some cases comes off as pushy and can be off putting. [We] don't take lightly to someone initiating a mutiny...just as we wouldn't let someone come into our R/L home and try and take over! You can't expect us to never "stick up" for our home away from home!!!!

I can only remember one past Pixie newbie who I could NOT warm up to...or at the very least...not want to kick his ass if we'd ever met in person...lmfao!

You are a people pleaser Lil...and so I can understand your discomfort if it seems someone isn't being treated with kid gloves upon notification that he/she is overwhelming us with their visible pomposity (<---Steph...I used it again...lol!...sorry...inside joke!). We can't possibly be expected to overlook a newbie who is in his/her own bizzaro world! I've even read some posts from you Lil...putting someone "in check" directly in an open forum thread! We have our limits. We are only human. And, most newbies who come here, can see the type of site we are. They can see that this site is so totally different than the others...they can see the love shared amoungst the family of people who make up Pixies.

Those who stay and participate (or even just lurk) are assured that not all who come here are perfect candidates for the "People's Choice Awards"...but that it's the differences that make it so interesting to come back to time and time again! Our "Welcum Mat" is dusted daily...and mostly all of the regulars reach out and extend that personality that is the make-up of the Pixies persona! Everywhere you look in these forums...there is something to smile about. And if a newbie doesn't take the time to look around, even after direction, then I can't say I/we didn't try hard enough!

One bad apple don't spoil the whole bunch...just as one bad post doesn't deter new faces to peek in and/or join in from time to time. We can lead a newbie to perving...but we can't make em stay if they don't want to!

I don't know that there is anything else I, or [we], can do that we haven't been doing through the years! But, if you want...I'll jump the bones of ALL the new male...oh hell, even the females if they'll have me...newbies for a month of Sunday's. Just to show them the ropes...of course :rofl:

((((((Lilith))))))

Thanks for the feedback everyone...just trying to sort some things out. Trust me, I am not a people pleaser at all but I have a job to do and part of that is to try to make everyone happy, comfortable, and at home. I appreciate everyone taking the time to sort of analyze this situation too. I too have been amazed at the small number of problems we have had. Thanks again for the feedback.

We do have a guidebut I can't force peeps to read it :p

Lil, your last post hits upon most of my thoughts while reading this. You can have rules, guides, instructions, a detailed map of how Pixies operates, but there is nothing to force anyone to read it. C'mon how often does everyone read through a "user agreement" before clicking the check box at the bottom? Maybe everyone is more attentive than I am, but I surely don't consistently take the time to read all guidelines on a website.

As someone who has recently said that I often still feel like a newbie, I don't think that is anything that can be changed by the mod team or membership. I've been around for a year, not posted a ton, but pop in daily and read through the threads. Often I don't voice a comment to each thread I read for a multitude of reasons. The fact that I have a bit of a newbie feel doesn't make me feel uncomfortable, afterall, as I said, I pop in daily to read the threads, if I was uncomfortable I wouldn't return. Part of the beauty of humanity is that we are all different. I would encourage newbies to be reasonable - while this may be an escape from reality, it isn't so far removed from reality to not have a human touch. As such, human touch that is felt face to face is likely to be the same here. I don't expect to become instamatic soulmates with the person I brush shoulders with at WalMart, so it's unrealistic for me to expect that here. Unfortunately, as there is beauty in difference, some difference isn't so beautiful as some people simply have unrealistic expectations. And as Lixy said, everyone can't embrace everyone all the time.

Honestly, I really don't think there is anything additional that can be done to be a more embracing forum for newbies. I presume, that when someone is a bit out of touch, someone takes the opportunity to PM that person and try to give them guidance, but it is up to the individual to accept the guidance being offered.

In summary, I feel everyone does their best to create an open and welcoming environment, but there is no point in trying to please 100% of the people 100% of the time. If nothing else, maybe this thread serves as an effective reminder of what Pixies is all about and can cause reflection upon our behaviors and individual changes put into place where necessary.

you are doing just fine lilith as far as i acn tell you and the others have been nothing but helpful and loving with me and if i haven't said so B4, then i will now THANK YOU ALL SO VERY MUCH FOR INCLUDING ME IN THIS FAMILY
peeks around corner.......

you can jump my bones lixy, >tries to look shy and newbie-ish enough<
"if you'll have me, that is". :) :sun:

hope i'm not out of line .........

LOL If Lixy is volunteering to be the ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm welcome wagon....most of the people registered here are gonne re-register and start off new :p

/me pounces bg1's bones and hugs her tightly! You're not out of line at all sweety! I hope you'll always feel free to post such complimentary posts! geezzzzzz...I'm blushing at just how sweet this response made me feel! :x: TY hun!

Now that's the spirit! Let's get some "bone jumpin" going on!

We got this party started...right?

:line: forms at my left...and right...and back...and front! *giggle*

long as i'm at the front of the line i don't care who else joins ~~giggles and huggles lixy back, hmmmm nice ass....~~ *giggles and fondles ass*~~ :x: :devilish:

Hi Lixy I'm new here so I'll just get in line next

:jump: :devilish:

As a long term member myself....heres my 5c worth

Any newbie that makes the decision to come out and join us, and posts badly so to speak, should be taken by the hand and lead in the right direction....not bashed over the head!

Patience is required with any learner...you can still point em in the right direction and state you displeasure...but at least be nice about it...they can then learn from your example of manners.

If they continually post badly and are not learning then a MOD will take there hand and be a bit more forceful in the learning process....if after that they continue their path of destruction then the MODS will take furth action

I know ya want to rally the wagons and defend ya home ground (been there a few times myself) but i've been thinking very hard and long for quite a while...if we want Pixies to survive we NEED new blood

I've noted first hand what some newbies have been through.....we are saying come out and play with us...but DONT FUCK IT UP...cause we'll eat ya for dinner...damn scary i can tell ya

If we want em to post then we gotta give em a chance to learn the ropes

^^^^ Inflation.. :D 2 cents has gone up to 5 cents.. :p

. :wine: .....thinks I will sit this one out and just get drunk :)

/me pours BIBI a mudslide...

we still have pennies....I've been wondering how much longer though

Sharni.. :x: ^^^^^ LOL...there ya go! Another example... I have got to get out of my cave more often....

There is also another example of how what is posted could possibly be misread... had I not put the smiles in there and had Sharni been a sensitive person she could have taken what I posted to be sarcasm and a personal affront. But, because I did put the smiles in, and even if I didn't, because Sharni knows I was teasing her, all is well.

I still don't know all the ropes.. those damn knots confuse the hell out of me.. :hair:

Run for your lives
 

I have been chewed up and spit out in the chat room and I still don't know what the fuck i am doing!!

I normally wouldn't post on this type of thread, but , this time I will.
This is how I handle Pixies, I come here read the post I want to read, only if they interest me then maybe post( only after I have thought out how what I have to say could be taken if read differantly than intended, if I can't think of a way to write it to be safe so to speak, I just leave the thread and don't post), then go on to a post on one that I feel like posting on. I admit I mostly drool over the pics posted (damned irritating when sexy women post new pics and I can't get then to open, grrrrrrrrr) and I don't post on most of them caise I don't want to upset anyone, even though I thouroly(sp) would love to tell them how much I like there post. I call it my for sure way of getting along with most everyone here. When I was a newbie, there where a few times that I was jumped on, even by PM's raking me over the coals so to speak for what I posted, that is partly why I choose to perv here in the fashion that I do. I go by the theory that if you nothing nice to say then don't say anything at all, but that is just how I do it. I feel that if a Pixie member is upsetting the members, that it is the job of the mods to take care of it, not mine. Unless they really go over boardwith what they are posting, then I might post my opinion, and that is all it is, take it or leave it. I feel if you don't like a post don't go into it, no one is forcing you to read it. LOL, for someone that hardly ever posts, I got long winded here, and I hate to type. LOL

Sharni? When we agree, we agree...but when we disagree I know I'd better duck when I have said my piece! LOL...*hugs*

I am about to duck...but not after I say this...

Mods aren't the know all and end all of this site! We are a community. and might I add, no mod was ever elected...but put into their position by the mods before them. I respect a mods position and appreciate all they do for us. I know it's a hard job...but [we] didn't ask you to take it. You took it for your own personal reasons. If I had my druthers...it'd be more diplomatic. But that's not saying that I wouldn't vote for everyone who is already in office...it's just to say that I don't like to be made to feel lesser the member because I am not a mod! We were ALL members first!

As I feel that most of your words are true and from the heart and I feel your caring...I get a feeling of double standard when it comes to who says what to who in some of these situations that bring up this very topic from time to time! What I mean is...it's ok for mods to say whatever they have to/want to say in a any thread. But mere members are expected to hold their tongue and only voice their disgruntled opinions to mods. This makes me feel like a "tattle tale, trouble maker, bitchy, whiney, OMG...here she comes again" kind of person...instead of the (sometimes) tactful, eloquent, articulate, diplomatic till you push my buttons to bursting kinda person I strive to achieve when I visit the site.

I get the feeling that I am being chastised if I've a notion to say something to a new member that I have no idea will spark an iron fist from a mod. It'd almost be easier to send a sample post in PM to a mod before making a statement in a thread.

I agree...sometimes [we] can get a bit overprotective and harsh. But, we are who we have always been till we feel a threat to the site...and if taking someone down a peg was a crime...you and I would be in "the dungeon" forever!

Final case in point...on behalf of mere members...

We know nice...and we know ignorant (and all that the meaning of the word entails)...and we tolerate one more than the other time after time! We don't purposely chase new members away! I feel backed into a corner here and I've a need to defend the majority.

If you sum up the posts of welcomes and helpfulness...against the posts of harsh reprimand and a "pack" attitude...you've got to admit...we ARE one great bunch of diverse people on any site EVER! So...not everyone loves every newbie to come and visit us! For the most part...the good outweighs the bad and we always open our arms to the good. To be told, time after time, of only our faults...as few as they are...instead of pointing out the all over good with the everyday participation...well...that bites! Plain and simple! That we keep getting told that it's great that we love this place, but don't dare stand up for it in the few times that we feel a need...well that bites too!

*jumps off the soapbox...ducks and runs so fast you can't even see my ass to spank it*

I never said the Mods were....

Like it or not this IS a moderated site

Nope dont agree there.....i get a rap over the knuckles the same as any other member believe me!

The people who post unacceptable posts will be spoken to...dont care who you are

Not me making any segregation between members and Mods....i've stated on many occassions i was a member first and alway will be

Again any time i've spoken badly i HAVE been taken to task for it!

Sorry you feel this way...that was not my intention

Again it goes back to the fact that all else can have there say and its all good....Sharni has hers and it gets taken personally by someone...

My post above was NOT pointed at you as far as i know

My opinion should be just like any one elses

There are no "mere members", we are a community, and such as that, we all answer to someone when the need arrises. It's those same people we turn to for advice and counsel when we are unsure of the path we should take. Sometimes advice is solicited and sometimes it comes along even when we don't think we need it and certainly don't want it. I get feedback and answer to the owners but I also get feedback and answer to everyone else in the community. That's why I occasionally ask you about areas that I want to improve upon or to help me find a solution to something I see as a problem. I can do nothing alone.

I feel a bit PF'ish as I post this, and he should be proud of what I'm about to say...

Both the mods in this post mentioned the need for new blood to keep the site alive and thriving (in so many words) ... seeing it said once just made me note and move along, seeing it said twice made me raise an eyebrow. On to the PF'ish comment...

Are there some sort of statistics kept somewhere that I don't know about (or don't have access to) that are showing a decline in new members or something of the sort? Or are the comments made merely as comments but not as scientific findings?

I'm just curious really and somewhat intrigued (its the geek in me) to know if there is something that the mod team is really concerned about numbers-wise.

I can get my hands on stats and everything is fine (great even). I think I just always speak of needing new members because unfortunately the real world sometimes has a way of stealing members away. Also because I like to learn about new people and hear new opinions. It's fascinating to me that there is a woman is almost ;) the same age as me, who lives halfway across the world from me who loves Orli, and another north of me who travels the world for her job and yet we all love sex, and share our experiences with eachother. How many times do you guys wanna hear the story about me having sex with my boyfriend on the hood of his Cougar?????????????? :spin: New people bring new perspective and new tales.

Wonderful, and I truly appreciate your sentiment for new people, new friendships, new experiences. It's something that I look for in the places I choose to "hang" on the internet. One of the reasons I like Pixies so much, it's amazing the things you can learn from others when you choose to open your mind to it. Thanks for clarifying for me :)

That's the essence of what I meant by my statement. Always knew it was a moderated site. Never disputed it, even. Mods are members, first and foremost, and then they have all those special buttons to push! Does it make a mod wiser or better than [us]? It does if the mod[s] thinks it does! I happen to believe that we are equal...yet separated by a few extra buttons.

I'm not trying to push your buttons Sharni! I'm trying to make a point! That is...with all the members who choose to post, be it a newbie or a regular, the very few who get trampled just might deserve it! Weigh the sides. I think you'll have to admit...the good outweighs the bad! [We] don't flame or bash every newbie, everyday. So happens some stand out more than others...and this is the kind of thread that ensues!

I've finally gotten tired of being told how to conduct myself/ourselves when the conduct of another is so questionable I can't understand the concern for them above [us]! It's not as if everyone who comes through the door is trashed. Those who take the time to peruse the site will understand/absorb that, and we have to trust that we aren't the intelligence squad of everyone who opens our door!

I cannot imagine that everyone here would take this "be kind to everyone, no matter how big an asshole they might come off as time after time" attitude in your real life! If you were honest...you'd either flip them off, shout your first thoughts, or turn on a heel and not give them a second chance to make a good first impression! Because we know how to conduct ourselves in a cordial manner...we give first, second, and sometimes third chances (especially at the request of a mod) before we throw our hands in the air and let our freak flags fly.

I dunno! I just know...my initial feeling upon entering this site was awe and peace. I had found a group of really great people and I wanted to spend time with them. I posted with enthusium...and when I felt I might be getting out of hand (posting madly...with no direction), I asked for guidance...and heeded that help with reverance and appreciation. I'm an advocate of feeling that most peeps think on my wavelength...and then there are the others...lol! From one extreme to the other...I can open my mind to nearly anything except perpetual assholiness (word?...is now)! Then I have to stand up for [our] cause...no matter the consequence!

I'd better get to the dungeon. I know I am expected!

assholiness is indeed a word...coming from the rootword assholio :D which means someone who is such an asshole that they are not even worth the aggravation :D or at least that is what Summer assured me one time when I was upset

Oh...cool! I almost logged it into my Lixtionary. But, since Summer already has it Summerized...there is no need to duplicate the notation!

*lmfao*

TY Lil! See? You do learn something everyday here at Pixies!

Same ol', Same ol' :rant:

Seems this debate will never end!

Well there is my next twelve months of pixies hit over with for another year.

I now know why I stay away!

Lilith, I didn't bother to read anyone elses post before I say what I'm about to say. First ,I love you and all of the other pixies with all my heart. This is my home. I have a problem as you know with political issues on this forum. I feel this topic is too heated to be on a sex forum. I'm sorry but I'm telling you how I feel. This is my "feel good" place. My escape from reality. As far a being "part of the pack" I've heard it called..... I have over 200 pixies on my yahoo messenger. I'm not by any means bragging. All I'm saying is the pack is pretty damn big! It's not a "select few" for me as people may think. I love ya all!
My second problem........ Mistress whats her name came in an immediately started talking down to people(she didn't last long I know ) so why should anyone else be allowed to?
Whatever happened to being nice and respectful? There is NO EXCUSE for bad manners.
Thats what makes us who we are. We care about each other even in our personal lives. We as you said before "groove on one another"
Thats a helluva lot different than some one saying "gimme" I want to get off. :rolleyes2
This is a sex forum not a slut forum.
I have feelings just like everyone else. I don't care if you're bi or straight. Treat me with respect and you'll get the same from me.
I don't know what to tell you..... I feel it too. But we can't let people come in here and talk to us like we are shit under their feet either. The day that starts happening I'm outta here.
I guess this ones up to you guys. I would like to make a suggestion tho. Flaming doesn't say much to me. I think it needs to be put in more descript words whats expected out of a member. What they can and cannot say to people here.
And Yes we are different from any other forum and I'm damn proud of it! :cheers:


P.S. To all the newbies out there.....
You don't have to get cocky to fit in here at pixies. Just be nice thats all.:)
You'll find more friends than you can shake a stick at.;)