Masturbation Question
 

I know this may sound crazy, but please take the time to think about it and give me an answer.

If you're lying in bed next to your sexual partner and one night you're feeling frisky, but she is too tired and doesn't want to do anything, is it wrong to masturbate yourself off?

She says it is disrespectful, but I disagree. In fact, it has nothing to do with respect. I don't understand how you can have sex with someone one day, as well as send each other nude "action" photos and have phone sex when you're not together, then one night when she isn't "in the mood" you become the bad guy because you got yourself off "in your own bed, in your own house." She says I should have gone to another room and done it because she was right there. It didn't bother her when she wanted pics of me doing it or on the phone, but because she was next to me it was wrong. Am I wrong? Am I a bad guy? Hell, I've had other girlfriends tell me to do it on my own when they were too tired or not feeling up to it.

Dean... I see absolutely nothing wrong with your actions (in fact I would soooo invite you into my bed LOL)

I can see tho (knowing where I was before my sexual journey), that maybe for this particular gf of yours, having you do so makes her feel guilty.. and maybe a weeeee bit inadequit. Just a guess... but I know long ago.. I would be hurt when I discovered my ex husband doing such things. NOT because he was wrong.. but because I was. Make sense?

Thankfully I have reached a different sexual awareness from this journey of mine... my ex husband would piss his pants if he had any idea the sexual awakening I have had since we parted... but then again.. not so sure I would have ever had it had it not been for my divorce. :)

Dean, did you include her in any way, by talking to her or at least looking at her while you did it? Maybe she was concerned about your fantasies at the time. Just a thought.

Thanks Jenna
 

Any chance you'd want to come out to Delaware??? Now that I'm single, that is... lol.

Personally, I think she was just using this as an excuse to end things... but who knows, I've been wrong before.... which is why I had to ask the question up above.

My (now) ex tries to say she is open-minded when it comes to sex, but I tend to differ. All she can say about the situation is that I shouldn't have done it in front of her. Yet having me send her pics of it is ok... I don't know. I give up.

Ironwood,
I would have included her, but she really didn't want anything to do with it that night. She said she was too tired and didn't want to do anything (yet she knew I was aroused because we had been spooning and I was poking her from behind...lol).

I think it is not disrespectful masturbating in front of her. But what she says is not clear enough for me. She did not explain what the problem is. Is it because you are getting satisfied during she can´t / does not want? Is it because she does not want to see it? Is it because she claims all your thoughts of arousal to her own person but cannot control your fantasies?
I can´t put the finger on it, but I think she is not very clear about what she wants. Ask her. And if she gives you an answer it will be easier recognizing if she is right or if you are.
I cannot find anything bad about it.

Dean---Considering;your exs;and your other exchanges before;I
don't see that you did anything wrong.My wife&I engaged in mutual masturbation;when we were dating.(Our means of birth-
control)In those days;noone admitted;that they did so alone.After
marriage;we both admitted that we did so alone.Since then;we both incourage;the other to masturbate.Sexual drive is strong;
and we would both prefer;that the other;relieve oneself rather
than go to another!For example;my sex drive;is much greater then hers.The only thing that she wouldn't approve of;is if I fantasized;about another and she knew it.It sounds like your ex;
was looking for an excuse;to be your ex! Irish
P.S.My $.02.

GermanSteve & Irish
 

Thanks for the reply... You start to question yourself sometimes, even when you truly think you're right. It's good to hear that at least someone out there agrees with me.

GermanSteve ~ You were asking what her reasons were... according to her, masturbation should not be performed in the same room as your partner unless they are actively participating with you. I told her this doesn't make sense (for several reasons).... but one of them is the fact that she has a kid, and if they were to move in with me (2 bedroom house) and she didn't want to have sex.... where would I go???? I can't go sneaking around my own house, trying to find a place to hide so I can masturbate and not get caught by her or her child. Like I said, I think she was looking for an excuse.

Dean, definitely an excuse. Most women who claim to be open-minded about sex would be more than happy to watch you get off. Plus, you sound like a pretty considerate kind of guy, so I'm guessing that if you thought she would get offended, you wouldn't have done it in the first place. I say you're probably better off without her :)

Sometimes, I've been touching myself without doing it consciously . . . it's natural, it shouldn't cause problems in your relationship. Is she standoffish in general?

You broke up because of that? Well that is probably a good thing since she obviously isn't an understanding person. This only averted more heart ache later.

I don't see a problem with that, it's surly not disrespectful, it's just pleasurable release. If he don't want to help, or i him, it's got to be released some how.

Re: GermanSteve & Irish
 

This is an OPINION, not a FACT. So I guess finally you are not discussing about global respect or not (although it sounded like that). You are discussing about (her) taste and opinion and your reaction on that.
(But to say the truth: for me it sounds also like an excuse.)

I can't see anything wrong with it.............actually I would find that a hugh turn on if my partner started to do that.......
HELL!!!!!!!!!! ....that would drive me insane.....I just love to hear my partners voice during any sort of sexual activity......sends me into a frenzy......

KateKate ~ I agree with you. I don't think she has an open mind about it like she says.

Steph ~ No, she didn't seem to be standoffish. In fact, we ended up sleeping together the first time we met. I think she just got tired of me.

Thinker ~ I agree with you (and thank you for your response).

Quax ~ That's the same way I (and other girlfriends I've had) have thought about it.

GermanSteve ~ No, I guess it wasn't global respect... although, I feel better knowing that I'm getting a global opinion to my problem...lol.

Nikki ~ The worst part is that it had nothing to do about being respectful or disrespectful... it was about release... which we had physically shared together at other times. I didn't talk to her, cuz she wanted to sleep...lol. That's why she told me "no" in the first place.

Dean...there was/is nothing wrong with what you did!! There are alot of nights when my SO is sleeping and I take out my toys and get myself off...and there are the times when he does the same..and it don't bother me one bit! Actually, I prefer him doing that then doing it in another room...it just might wake me up and then he wouldn't have to finish the job!! :D

Sometimes..I pretend I am sleeping...and just to hear him doing it is a HUGE turn on!!!! :D

Well, I've even spoken to her friends (which were my friends first) and they are saying the same thing that you guys are. I'm just glad that I'm not the jerk she's trying to say I am.

Dean,

First of all, if my boyfriend wanted to have sex and I turned him down, I would NOT tell him he was wrong for taking care of it himself. And, if I heard you, lying in bed beside me, pleasuring yourself...WHAT A TURN ON! I wouldn't be able to let you finish by yourself, I would have been all over you! It really does sound like she was looking for an excuse. Maybe your next girlfriend will be more open.

ReggieGirl

Dean, she was definitely wrong. And not only that...selfish to think that just because she wasn't interested that you had to find somewhere else or forget about relief. Heck, while I'm at it, I may as well say what I really think.....she was stupid *LOL*, even is I didn't want sex (like that ever happens) I would have been more then willing to help provide you with some relief :p

Thank your lucky stars that she is gone now, and you can move on to someone who cares about you, not just herself :)

<< cut and paste what jennaflower said in here>>

yup we all agree.

Though I can sorta see where she's coming from (even if i dont agree)

if your really looking to make sense out of her actions picture this. dead tired in fact to tired to even have sex. all of a sudden the beds shaking. noises. maybe even a little hornier but still falling asleep but being kept up. hey go do that somewhere else ( let me sleep)!!!! NO?????.............
this is what occurred to me and i once fell alseep in the middle of being riden. damn she was pissed and i had the nerve at first to be mad at her for waking me
as far as where to go.......when i was little my dad told me that when i got old enough to use the bathroom. it flushes easily...private....if worried about noise run the water. just remember to wipe the seat

Well, I guess it's a good thing I don't still live with my Dad then.

Living with the parents can be a big bummer for masturbation, particularly when they have an open door policy for your room, LOL. As far as you pleasuring yourself in bed, I have to agree that she shouldn't have gotten upset by what you did. Usually if my boyfriend is feeling frisky and I'm don't feel the need to be pleasured myself, I just get him off. And if I'm really tired, the best solution for everybody is for me to give him a blow job and then jump him in the morning when I'm feeling better rested. If she was that upset, then most likely she assumed you weren't fantasizing about her. Because, believe me, there's nothing more flattering than for a guy to let me know that when I'm unavailable, he's thinking of me when he masturbates. I can't imagine any girl being upset by you masturbating if she knows you're thinking about what you two will do the next time she's in the mood.