the double entendre
 

so I took my daughter to wendy’s for lunch and as we’re eating she is animatedly telling me how much she loves Toy Story 2. (for those who haven’t seen it it’s a pixar flick) Anyway, she gets to the scene where Woody (a main character) sees all the collectibles in Al’s apt and tells me how much she loooooves the “Big Woody”. (again for those in the dark it is a life-size poster board of woody the toy). She says, just as there happens to be a hush in the restaurant, “I sa-a-aid I LOVE BIG WOODIES!!! Do you love big woodies, mommy?” Well, I had to admit, while several people around us sniggered that I loved big woodies just fine, thanks.

Ah—out of the mouths of babes.

I love anecdotes like this. My husband is always telling me about this kind of thing in his job. Something that would be innocuous in context but ends up sounding perverted. (he’s an env. eng. and works with suckers, blowers, rimmers. string together a few of these and a lecture ends up sounding more like an erotic story and has the attendees rolling in the aisles)
how about you? any stories about something you said to a colleague. or whoever that, while sounding innocent enough in your head, when spoken aloud made you sound like the worlds biggest perv?

cum on- make me laugh.

When my oldest daughter was 2 or 3, we had a beautiful old clock. It had these huge weights on chains which kept the gears going and it kept perfect time. It had beautiful, deep toned chimes which sounded once on the half-hour and the hour at the top. (3 chimes for 3 o'clock, 4 for 4 o'clock, etc) It wasn't really a chime but a deep "donnnng.... donnnng" for one o'clock.

For some reason around this age my daughter just started noticing it. When it chimed she'd say: "Momma dong dong" and run to watch it, like something great was going to happen. I told her it was our clock telling us it was 6 o'clock. She soon began noticing other clocks and wrist watches and would always point them out to me, calling them all 'dong dongs'.

We went out to eat as a family one night to a fairly nice resturant. Just as there seemed to be a pause in everyone's conversation and the whole place was quiet, she noticed the clock on the wall. I'm pretty sure most of the other diners heard her as she pointed to it and said: "Momma dong dong". I very calmed replyed: 'yes isn't that a nice clock'. While it was still quiet she looked at my husband and asked: "Daddy where your dong dong?" Daddy didn't answer right away so she asked again.... louder: "Where your dong dong?"

OK, I'll admit I was among those giggling as I told him to show her his wrist watch. She looked at and went back to eating. Very shortly after that hubby asked for the check and we left. lmao. Poor Daddy.

OMG...precious stories! TY for sharing! Can't wait to read more!

Those are terrific. Thank you for sharing those.

Funny stuff. I am such a perv, I take everything people say as perverted. I went to a pizza place the other day and wanted the personal size one -- the 8" as it said on the menu- This cute young waiter comes up and I said "can i have the 8"" and he looked at me and said "sure if you want it" I about broke my neck to look at him and cuoldn't even think of the toppings I wanted.

I had gone to a drugstore for an appointment with a traveling nurse for a cholesterol check. After the half hour with her, I took the invoice up to the cashier to ring up. She gave me the total and I reached into my pants pocket to take out my money clip to pay..... it wasn't there... or in any other pockets. I thought to myself, oh s_ _t, it's in my other pants. I looked at her and said "I have nothing in these pants".... without skipping a beat she said" Gees I'm so sorry to hear that!"

After I realized what I'd said I could feel myself turn beet red......... even my ears!

teddybear,imagine and, coaster...funny!!!

tell us some more! i just love these. ther is nothing like a good laugh at someone elses expense

speaking of laughing at some one else, here's a quick line about one of my MOST embarassing moments

i was at the mall the other day, in Structures i think, and i see what i think is another room. NOPE! I walked head first into the biggest mirror. ( i'm having a hard time typing this: i'm laughing too hard)
anyway BAM- the crash echoes inthe whole store. the slalse gill asks are u ok? i couln't even respond except to mumble and hightail it out of there. i was so embarrased

That reminds me of the time my best friend and I were in a department store, I backed into a store dummy and thought it was a person so I started apologizing, and then laughing so hard at myself my appologizing to this fake person that I actualy ran into an actual person who had stopped to see what was so funny!

As for "out of the mouthes of babes" I could tell a million of them. For instance, my daughter's new thing is to have us poke her belly button and make a buzzing noise. Well she doesn't exactly have the logistics down herself so in the store the other day she stands up in the cart and points to her private parts and starts making a buzzing noise! :rolleyes: :o I'm sure everyone in the store was wondering what in the world exactly she was doing, but I was more concerned that she was standing in the cart!

She also is trying to say her brother's name (Keagan) but it sounds more like Keagy and also sounds like when she tells me she's "stinky" so today at the store she told a lady who asked her what her baby brother's name was.....you guessed it "Stinky"!!:D

These stories are all so funny... and while what I have to add isn't quite "out of the mouth of a babe" it's still amusing.

My friends and I all have quite dirty minds, and one of our favorite words to play with is 'box.' We were at lunch a couple weeks ago, and one of our other friends, Yvette, was sitting with us. She needed to mail something, and asked if any of us had a box. Me and my 2 friends, of course, started grinning like little kids. I was trying to be nice and said that I did, which made my friend Adam almost spit Coke out his nose. Yvette then asked what size it was, which did not make things better. Her response was to ask me "No, no, what comes in the box?" And at that point I couldn't take it anymore, looked at Adam, and burst out laughing for a good 5 minutes while poor Yvette said there, completely innocent and totally confused. We had a hell of a time explaining the whole thing to her, but she knows how we are. :) We still get a good laugh out of it every now and again, and Adam and I are known to go up to each other with halos on and ask each other what comes in the box. :)

Not nearly as funny as all those before, but , my little guy's diapers have Winnie the Pooh on them. Whenever he has a bodily function he points to his diaper and says "Pooh". I guess it is rather appropriate, but when we are in public a bit embarrassing:D

Have to start this story out with a brief explaination..... Some of you may not know that many city police departments have a 'Policemans Ball' (a fancy, formal dance) every year as a fund raiser. They sell tickets to the Ball, with part of the procedes going to charity. State police do not hold fundraising balls. Now the story will make sense.....

We have a friend who is a state trooper. He's tall, built, mmmm sexy! Right around the time of the local city policeman's ball he pulled a lady over for speeding. As he approached the car the lady rolled down her window, smiled and said: "I bet you pulled me over so I could buy tickets to the ball. His reply: "Ma'am, state police officers do not have balls!!"

He said there was a few seconds of silence as both of them realized what he'd just said. As the lady started to giggle, he turned, walked back to his car and drove off. Guess it was that ladies lucky day!

i've got another.(when you have kids there is a never ending supply)

ok real quick, my daughter likes me to make a tunnel with my legs so she can crawl through. we were at the grocery store today, in line, i'm bagging my stuff and she comes up behind me and says "mommy, open your bum so i can crawl in" omg i was so embarrassed. i had to explain to the clerk what she meant with a very red face. i don't even think he believed me. he looked so appalled. if i don't post for a while you may all asume i have been taken away by child protection services

Okay. Here's one from my childhood. My grandfather lost half of the index finger on his right hand in WWII. When I was about 3 or 4, he started telling me that he lost his finger while picking his nose, so I shouldn't pick mine. Obviously, I didn't pick my nose after that. Wanted to keep my fingers as is. When I was 4 I was at the store with my mom and there was a guy there that was missing half of his index finger on the same hand. Apparently, I walked up to him and said "hey, mister. I know that you were picking your nose and lost your finger." My mother was mortified and had to explain the story...