Peanut Butter
 

I have no way to go sit by his grave and tell him how much I miss him. It's been a month today and the pain is till so damn intense. I debated posting and opening healing wounds but this is where we started and you are the people who know how much he meant to so many of us. I just have this lump in my throat that I can't seem to swallow down today. And I needed to share the burden of my sorrow with those of you who understand.

((((((((Lillith)))))))) ~ I can't seem to take his names off my yahoo IM account, cause every time I open the window I think of him and our wonderful chats...... Just today I was missing him also.

I understand, I think....... Just a little bit. And I am sending you a BIG hug.

(((((((((Lillith))))))))))) I did'nt get to know him being a newbie at the time, but the one pm I got from him, I just can't seem to delete.

I miss him too Lil ... in all the time, I never really got that close to him on a personal level, but always loved seeing what he would post, threads he started, odd comments here and there (not meaning odd as in strange - but as a comment made here and there) - I keep expecting to see that "I'm back" post from him ... It is hard to deal with the "I should have taken a bit of time to ...." regrets!!! But it has reminded me to "take a bit of time to ...." with others who I care about and who matter to me, even the occasional acquaintances. He was a good man with a golden heart and he is missed.

((((Lil)))))

He's still on my IM, too, osuche, & I know what you mean about thinking you'll see an "I'm back" thread, fzzy.

Life is a joke. Death is the punchline.

See, the trick is to realize that in th end, we all really do end up dead. Realizing that, then ask, did he make a difference to the world around him before he died?

I think the answer is "yes".

I understand.... more than I wish I did..

A month full of yesterdays... that is how his loss hits me.. as if it were only yesterday.. and that I missed all the opportunities.. I think of Skip often... I think of James even more... both different sides of the very same loving dear man.

I have him on my yahoo list.. I still send him a message from time to time.. just to put my feelings into words.... eventually.. I am sure I will attempt that.. and yahoo won't let me.. until then.. I will continue. I also have the location of a personal ad he put up that last week... and his picture there... I go there.. to read.. and think of what a blessing he would have been to any woman who honestly deserved him.

I miss my friend... but he didn't leave this earth before teaching me some important lessons... and because of him.. I find myself taking more chances... I thank him for that... I will always hold a special place in my heart for him...

*shrug*
sure...........

I wish I could hug all of you today. I know I didn't know him that long but in the short time I did, it meant more to me than anything. And no, things haven't felt the same. Things remind me of him daily, so I can only imagine how someone else feels that knew him longer. My husband just asked about it the other day and I busted out crying. Of course, he felt bad, but it felt good to cry and miss how good STO made me feel and to hear someone tell me that I made them feel good back.

As I have said before, keep your chin up, so you can see him smiling down at you.

(((((PIXIES)))))))

What goes around, comes around.
 

To this thread I can only add the special words that were once posted by a very good friend, Lilith.

“Just know I am here”




:)

http://www.pixies-place.com:81/foru...read.php?t=8730

Wow....TY PF.

I still have him on all my messengers as well and can't/don't dare delete anything. His phone message is still there and I listen to it when I feel strong enough. I can't speak...I have not been able to leave him a message anywhere cause I'm mad that I don't have forever to tell him everything I need to/should have/want to say. I wanted to share all the wonderful things to come in our lives and for him to be there to ridicule all the stupid things I will do. I would have gladly returned the favor. Damn him, I miss him.

May I ask, do you know why and how?

Yes.

I am very sorry to hear this. We posted together. Not any private ones. Very sad.

((((((((Lilith)))))))))
You know I am here for you.

I thank God you are here for me.

It still hurts. It's gonna be a very long time until it doesn't.

Yes.. this will hurt for a long time...

and.. bardon my clicheness.. but I feel this fits..

The Dance......
Looking back on the memory of
The dance we shared, beneath the stars above.
For a moment, all the world was right,
How could I have known that you'd ever say goodbye?

And now, I'm glad I didn't know,
The way It all would end,
The way It all would go,
Our lives are better left to chance,
I could have missed the pain,
But I'd of had to miss the dance.

Holding you, I held everything,
For a moment wasn't I the king?
But If I'd only known how the king would fall,
Hey who's to say, you know I might have changed It all,

And now, I'm glad I didn't know,
The way It all would end,
The way It all would go,
Our lives are better left to chance,
I could have missed the pain,
But I'da had to miss the dance.

It's my life, It's better left to chance,
I could have missed the pain,
But I'da had to miss
The dance