workaolics
 

at the moment i am dateing a guy who works long and weird hours
i feel like he cant put us first he is the person in charge of all the nurses
in the a&e department would be the ward sister in any other department
if he was a woman (clinical nursing director) but i hardly ever see him
never mind sleep with him. am i being selfish

yes terribly :p Nooooooooo! It's normal to want to be able to spend time with the person you are dating. And dating someone who is a chronic work-aholic often means you end up feeling less important to them. I guess you have to let him know how you feel and see if the two of you can work out a compromise.

As a self-affirmed workaholic....and a dater of another work-aholic....I recommend the following:

1. Set aside "date night" once a week ~ we leave the day of the week flexible cause meetings and such come up, but we always pick a day to celebrate.

2. Communicate ~ he may not know when you are feeling lonely. SOmetimes I need my guy to make a special effort, other times I am just happy doing my own thing.

3. Together time usually does not involve discussion of work, or laptops, or anything else to do with work. Work time is for work, us time is for US

4. Get a hobby, make more friends, hang out with others. His time will likely never be yours completely...but don't just sit around and wait for him to come home. Use your "support system" to make yourself happy even when you are not with him. Value your time together, but also value your time alone. There *are* bennies to dating a work-aholic. You can actually have friends and a LIFE. LMAO -- assuming you aren't a work-aholic too.

5. When all else fails, find a new guy. Likely you won't change him...he may adjust some, but he won't totally change. Those who feel fulfilled by their work -- who love what they do -- and see few boundaries on their time...will always work a lot. Lord knows I will.

{{{{axe}}}} great to see you, wish it was under better circumstances!

All I can say is, be patient if you can.

My last long-term relationship broke up and the main reason was I wanted to work and make tons of money.

My ex was like you and wanted more time together.

It has nothing to do with you, it's the mindset us workaholics get in to. I'm sure you could find someone who won't work as much if you want . . . you just have to weigh the options. Is this current guy worth it?



(Post some more, will ya?)

(((((axe)))))

A good man IS hard to find for sure! Just talk to him hun. It's not selfish to want to spend time with someone you care about. He may be thinking the same thing as you but his job is so demanding he can't get away. If he has flexibility in his schedule but thinks you are ok with it and he wants/needs the money, then I guess he'll just keep doing it the way he has been. I've found out a long time ago...men suck at reading woman's minds. I guess they suck at reading other men's minds too! Who knew? LOL!

Talk to him axe! Keep in touch and let us know how things go!

If he really is a workaholic...you aren't gonna change him, and if he decides he wants to change it's gonna be a long hard row to hoe.

If he just has a demanding job, maybe moreso than you're used to, talk to him and figure out where halfway is and see if he'll meet you there. Then, after a while, you can decide if that's enough for you. It may not be. A workaholic probably couldn't even find the halfway point.

Good luck to you, Hon!

Just a side note. He may not be a workaholic; it very likely just comes with the territory. In other words, that particular job is very demanding; he either does all that is required or he finds himself another job.

I have never had a nursing job (in a hospital or now as a hospice nurse) that wasn't extremely stressful and very demanding (which is why so many nurses get burned out in a few years). I usually consider it a good day or night, when I worked nights, if I had a chance to go to the bathroom even once during a 12.5-hr shift, which usually turned into 13.5 hrs. Unless one works per diem or prn or part time, you don't have a choice; you either do what the job demands or you find yourself another job. I don't know about your friend, but except for editing, this is the only skill I have, so I don't feel I have a choice except to stick it out. And it doesn't matter what hospital you work at, they squeeze every drop out of you that they can. Working in this field in a hospital, in particular, is not like most jobs. This may be what your friend is running into.