Love and Marriage
 

I'd appreciate any advice you might have for a happy marriage. Any little tidbits you've picked up along the way, that you wish you would have known when you started out.

I could really use some wisdom right about now. ;)

Always put your friendship to one another first. I find that he and I being the best of friends has gotten us thru anything and everything. Communication is sooo very important!

Good luck!!!

Love, sex, money, weather, along with a myriad of other things will come and go but being someone's very best friend is forever.

Love eachother every day...not in word, but in deed.

It's sometimes better to be happy than to be right.


If it's something relatively small, it's best for you BOTH to be willing to drop the subject so that you can both be happy, than to argue about who's right for the sake of it.

NEVER go to bed angry....a fight is temporary - a true love is forever....

osuche,

After 10 years, you probably know this one, but a successful marriage takes work.

John, I know hun. And I agree. It's been a damn long haul, but I wouldn't trade a day for anything. And I will try to keep that in mind, even when he pisses me off. :D

LOL - yes, that is important to know that you still love the man - even when he pisses you off! Accept that fact that he will probably piss you off more than once during your marriage! (As you will probably piss him off too!)

Love, understanding, respect - realize that as you continue on your journey of marriage that you are each individuals and your reactions to things will be different - and respect those differences don't try to mold them into your own perspectives.

Don't allow outside influences (family, friends, work, etc.) to get in the way of the life that both of you are establishing for yourselves.

Understand the fact that you are constantly evolving in your attitudes, deisres, interests, etc... and he is evolving as well and should understand your changes.

Realize that even though you love each other it is ok to not like each other on occassion.

Don't sweat the small stuff - is it really important for you to get mad at him if he leaves the toilet seat up? Is it really important for him to get mad at you if you leave your makup on the bathroom sink? (Just an example)

As you are each individuals in your life together - sometimes you must encourage and accept an idea or event that you feel wouldn't be totally right in order for your SO to be able to grow.

Always discuss purchases together! LOL

Have fun! Don't loose sight on what makes you each laugh.

The other is your best friend...speak about personal things - things that you would consider secret, interests, deisres (no matter how strange) only to each other and not to strangers, family members, etc.

If you are mad at each other - tell only him and he should tell only you - don't complain about each other to others.

Find something each and every day that you love about your husband or wife - no matter how small. (I noticed just recently how Cobalt's hair slightly curls at the back of his neck when it is close to the time for him to get a haircut - it made me smile)

Imagine yourself together when you are old together - holding hands, going to a movie, laughing, and taking care of each other when there is an illness.

Cobalt gave me a gift the other day - he told me that I, and only I, know something about him that no one else will ever know. That gift of total trust in me with something that is so very personal is something that I will cherish to the end of my days.

These are just a few things that Cobalt and I keep in mind for us to be healthy in our marriage.

(The only time that it matters to me if he leaves the toilet seat up is when I have to rush to the bathroom in the middle of the night and don't want to turn lights on as to not wake anyone up and I fall into the water - it doesn't hurt to remind someone every now and then about stuff that annoys you... lol ) ;)

Hell I don't know what to tell you. I've done been thru 3 of them. If you figure it out let ME know. LOL :D

Osuche, we've already had some long talks, but I'm not sure if I told you how honored I am that I was blessed to be one of the first to know. You have my respect and admiration in everything you do, and the impulsiveness of this act seems to fly face first in contrast to your normal, calculated, "engineering" personality. But, when it comes to love, things aren't always set in stone, and you have to go which way the wind takes you. It may not be what you always envisioned, and it may be more full of surprises than you ever expect. But each thing that happens to the two of you along the way is a point from which to grow--together.

All my love.

I am not one who can offer wisdom on this topic... all I can share is that you must never lose the appreciation for what you have found and never take it for granted... never place it below anything else for in the toughest of moments, it is the bond with him that you share that will sustain you.

Well, these have worked for us for about 41 years now so I offer them for what they're worth. Probably the biggest thing of all ... we accept each other for who we are and not for what we'd like the other to be.

But ... a couple of things that might help ...

1. If you're going to argue ... and you will sometimes ... "fight naked." It's hard to stay angry in the buff and it helps with the making up process..
2. Be forgiving ... one of the best lessons. During dating we never notice the little things that can drive us crazy later. Very similar to my first comment.
3. A great marriage takes work. It's not a 50-50 thing ... it's a 100-100 thing (or a little more).
4. Oh yeah ... feelings are neither right nor wrong ... they're just feelings.

Sure hope that everything good will flow your way! ;)

The most important thing my wife and I ever did to help our marriage was to get counselling when we needed it. So many couples refuse to get help when they desperately need it because neither one of them wants to admit that they might be wrong or at fault for where they happen to be in their relationship.

The best advice I can give is
1- Don't let the little things bug you
2- When the little things do bug you Talk to each other about it
3- I'm the little thing that usually bugs her :jester:


Congrats and best wishes

Such wonderful advice given here already. I would add the one thing we learned very early on was that no matter what the fight or how bad it is there is no talk of leaving each other. That is not one of the options. If you both agree to this then you can fight, talk and make-up without having to unpack your bags. ;)