Breaking up sucks
 

& is hard to do as the song says!

Looking for tips/hints/help on getting over someone.

As some of you know, I've been involved with a guy who was COMPLETELY wrong for me but it was hard to break ties with him.

It was over & I was over him but he came back into my life recently because he was sick (he's got HIV & it might be progressing into AIDS since he's not looking after himself). Because I love(d) him, I took him to the hospital & made sure he was OK but then realized I was falling in love with him again.

I digress!

I am interested in knowing how you got over someone. Also, have you guys dated someone who was 99% wrong for you but you really liked the 1% that was right? :)

LOL I'm not over him. You just move on...by necessity. for me the hard part was that despite everything, I knew that with that 1% he could give...he loved me. But I can't live waiting for every hundreth minute, or hundreth hour, or hundreth year.

(((Steph))) Been there a few times myself. I have a couple I haven't totally gotten over either. I don't think you ever do. Only way I cope with it is go find another one.
He's just another chapter in your life now.
Life's too short girlfriend...... Be happy. :)

yep,sure sucks
 

Been doing nearly the same thing here,the past few weeks.Known this woman most of my life.First time I got over her,lol,well,she got married to some guy I knew..About 15 years ago,this guy falls over while he's jogging with a heart attack..I go to the funeral..We get talking again,lol,a few months later we're off and running again.She's hung up on marriage,and putting her grand kids through school..I see her point,but been there,and done that,so we split up,again..Few weeks ago,we're at the same party,lol,away we go!!.Yesterday,she starts the "wouldn't it be nice to get married",thing again..I explain that I've put 5 kids through school already,and won't do it again..I'm retired,and want to have fun myself,now..Might be selfish..But then I guess that's what I am..Only way to get over them,is to hang tough with my friends,then just go out and meet people casually.Bad for the sex life,but ok in other ways,lol..REAL friends will get you through..
Good luck though Steph,
Time,and Good Friends,heal all wounds

advice on how to speed things up? lol girl If I knew taht I'd be using it right now

seriously though i'm going though the same thing myself right now getting out of antoher long term relationship, and guess what it hurts just as much as it did the first one that ended up ending, though I suppose this time I was a bit more braced for it to happen

but I'm tellin ya now theres no magic cure or way to speed things up, it's all a matter of time, which makes it a painful annoying long process that even after the longest times if the night's right and the mood hits you you'll still feel the pain of loss.

There's only one way to "speed it up" and thats to cut all ties to the person and not talk speak see or write them. and while it doens't speed it up, it certainly cuts back on relaps , though in a lot of situations, this isn't possible/ isn't something you even wanna due, parituclary if the relationship ended and you wanted to stay together

other than that, good luck is all I can say, naturally if ya need to rant ya can always get ahold of me

Steph Darlin my heart's with Ya. My best advice for helping things along is to get busy. Find a hobby, join a civic group, or hell take some classes. The thing is, you tie your mind to something besides a relationship. I'm blessed in that I have two kids I can concentrate on. They've been my saving grace when my heart was dunked in the muck. Photography would be a nice hobby for you. I know all us Pixie guys would love to see more pics of you. Of course PF will deny it. LOL

Love is a wonderful thing Steph but with the wrong man it is hell on earth. Sometimes we have to let go for our own sanity and self worth.....

I had to do it after living with someone for 8 years. It's hard to do but when I look at the end results I made the right choice for me and that is who you have to face each day in the mirror, yourself. You can't make someone change if they don't want to no matter how much you love and nurture them or wish them to change. Some people are just not salvagable.

Answer this." Is your life better with him in it or with him out of it?" Be honest with yourself Steph and the answers will be very clear. Let him save himself and you take care of yourself.....Walking away is tough but it makes you realize how empowered you are. Don't settle for 1%. You deserve much better! :)

Oh Steph.....you may never fall "out" of love with the guy. That 1% that draws you is no more going to change than the 99% that you know is bad for you. But those feelings don't mean you have to be in a relationship with him, especially because you know just how bad an idea that would be.

If you can manage to be a friend for him, let the love become a dear friendship, through this time....then that's a blessing. Stop yourself from behaving as though he's a boyfriend, keep up the proper boundries, and keep looking for emotionally healthy people to fill that role in your life. If you can't do that while he's still in your life, and only you can know if that's something you're both capable of, you have to walk away....even if you're still in love.

It's all about loving yourself at least as much as you love the person you shouldn't, I think.

Good luck with it.....I hope you find peace with the situation. It sounds like a real tough one. I know how it can break your heart to have to walk away from someone you're convinced needs you. Wouldn't want to do it again.

Hi Steph....

I'm going through the same thing (sort of). I've come to terms that I will never be "over" this man, because honestly..If you loved someone, how do you just stop loving them? You don't, not ever. You might make yourself forget, but you cant change how it is.

It's just something that you have to move on with. You cant speed it up, only time (and DISTANCE) helps. I have no doubt that if I were seeing him all the time, even as a friend, I would be with him again. I wish there was a way to "speed things up", but there isn't :(

I can relate to the 99% wrong and 1% right part, too. My ex fit that profile pretty well...But you know what? I STILL love that 1%, and I always will. It's telling yourself that the 1% isn't worth it that's the tricky part.

I tried it last week when he stayed here because he was so sick but the feelings came back so it looks like cutting ties completely is the way to go (I know PF will be broken hearted!).

Thanks everyone! You're a wise bunch & I'll definitely be re-reading this thread.

Hang tough, Chica. I'm glad to hear you're gonna do what you have to to take care of yourself.

If she’s looking for a guarantee that will be honored in today’s world, buy her a Craftsmen wrench.

Steph, sorry to hear about your situation. About the only thing I can tell you is that the key to resolving most issues - heart or mind - lies in staying busy and focusing on other things. The old occupy your mind and don't leave the time to think about 'it'. Sorry I'm not more in sightful. Life is hard.

Steph...

Sometimes we fall in love with someone so completely wrong for us that we lose ourselves in an illusion. I can only tell you that, for me, the only way to deal with it and to remain in control is to completely stay away from him. I still think of him almost daily after many years... but I have refrained from contacting him (atleast in the last 4 years). I know where he lives (in Louisiana) and I know that I can find the numbers needed to contact him. The only thing that stops me from doing just that is knowing in my heart that doing so would ultimately destroy me. Am I whole without him? Absolutely not... but I realize that having him in my life is not possible... that when he is in my life he envelops me.. the world is more colorful for sure... but I lose myself...

I wish you much happiness....

Thanks, Jenna -- I think that's how I feel exactly.

It has so far been much easier since he's stayed away. He still has some stuff here so I hope he gets it soon & that'll be done.

It's cruel to say but I hope he does stay away. If he stays away, I don't have to see him getting sicker due to not taking care of himself.