Intercourse vs. Oral sex
 

I have a conundrum. My husband prefers oral sex to intercourse. Now, I don't mind giving head, and I am not against getting any myself, but I like regular intercourse too. At first this was not so much a problem, but I want to have him inside me too! Any thoughts on this? Is this normal? I never thought I'd ask this, but how can I get him to give less oral sex and more intercourse?

Alba

hi!
just ask! :)

Wrong question.

"How do I get him to give same oral and more intercourse?"

Ask him. Does he have a sore back, is he starting to have trouble with erectile function, is the bed not comfortable for sex?

Only he can answer.

Can you incorporate both into your fun together? We do oral as foreplay and then we have intercourse. Occasionally he gets his :bj: to completion and the placing of his man juice is up to him. You need to compromise. :)

Hi everyone! I am the husband :) I’ve been a lurker on this forum for the longest time, but finally decided to come out after encouraging my wife to post. You guys are such a friendly, knowledgeable and friendly bunch, and we really appreciate you helping us out. Please allow me to elaborate a bit on this issue we’re having. When I was in my early and mid teens I was very curious about sex, and read a lot of books on the subject, some trashy, and some quite scholarly. Eventually I developed a pretty negative impression of intercourse: there was a high pregnancy risk, high risk of STD transmission, it could be painful for the girl, etc. I also read somewhere that the vagina has very few nerve endings, and intercourse is often not pleasurable for a woman unless the clitoris is stimulated in some way. Also, all other guys ever talked about was fucking, but I wanted to be different and really learn how to please a woman. After reading about cunninglingus I decided that that giving oral pleasure to women is far better than intercourse. It directly stimulates the clitoris, it is never painful, carries no risk of pregnancy, allows for a lot more control and variety than the “old in-and-out” and women supposedly love it. There is no hassle of putting on a condom. Also, compared to oral sex, intercourse seemed rather boring. I decided then that giving oral sex was going to be my “thing” and I would get really good at it.

Unfortunately, my wife is pretty indifferent to oral sex, especially the receiving part. It just doesn’t turn her on or get her off. On the other hand, intercourse doesn’t do much for me. I tried it many times, mainly to please my wife, but I’m not really into it and usually don’t really enjoy it. Sometimes I find it difficult to stay hard. We talked about this a lot and discussed many compromises, but the issue remains: she is very intercourse-centered and I’m very oral sex-centered. Any advice on either helping me enjoy intercourse, or helping my wife enjoy oral sex?

like jack sprat and his wife.:D

maybe you could try intercourse with some dirty talk about oral. you could whisper to her how much you like to lick and she can tell you how it feels when you do. and use toys during oral so she can get the penetration she craves.

Seems to me, that perhaps both of you need to further your education in the other's chosen feild of interest:

agaethwe:

You are definitely missing out on something huge, if you feel that intercourse is 'boring'. Yes, it may not be the kinkiest, wildest thing you've done between the sheets (which can be altered with use of props, toys, clothing etc) but it's the ultimate connection of man and woman. You know when you first fall in love with someone, and it seems that you can't be with them enough, you can't be close enough to them, physically or mentally? Well, for me, intercourse has always felt like it's as close as I can possibly get to my man...it's a way we can truly connect and be one. I've always experienced love and lust as a fluttering sensation in the pit of my stomach...having his cock press against my cervix is about as close to the pit of my stomach as he can get....it kind of scratches that itch that nothing else can.

I'd be the first to agree that I actually find it easier to orgasm from oral than intercourse, but if it were all about achieving orgasm, I have about a hundred toys that could do that for me, and my man could be making himself useful doing the dishes or something! Your hang-ups about intercourse are exactly that: hang-ups. They need to be worked through so that you can be re-educated about sex. Let's face it: you embraced oral sex as a way of being the best lover you can be, but in fact you're achieving exactly the opposite. And in the process you're giving entirely the wrong signals to your wife. Remember, we're all a product of our environment, and unfortunately, our environment teaches women that all men want to do is fuck. When we come across a man who actually apears to be repelled by the idea, we immediately internalise that reaction and ask ourselves 'So what's wrong with me? Why doesn't he want me?' I suspect that at least in part, your wife's aversion to oral sex may be because in her head there's now a mental pathway which links oral sex, to these feelings of inadequacy. Which leads me on to:

Alba:

If, like your husband says, you really don't find pleasure in oral sex, perhaps you need to examine the reasons why that is. I understand that no-one wants the same thing every time they make love, but does it go deeper than that? A lot of women find it difficult to 'let go' and enjoy oral sex. We are products of years of anti-feminine doctrine which says that our bodies are dirty and the idea of being licked in such an intimate place is just repellent to a lot of women. I come from a very 'enlightened' and sexually open family, but I recently had a conversation with my sister in which even she admitted she does not like to receive oral as she worries about how she smells, whether she looks fat in that position etc etc. Also it can be uncomfortable for women to be in a position of simply being pleased by their partner, it can make us feel self conscious and once again, goes against the grain of the traditional sexual role of woman.

Perhaps it would be worth you doing more reading on the subject of oral sex, talking to your man about why he likes it so much, taking time to instruct him about what feels good to you, rather than just letting him do his own thing, which may not be what lights your fire. In my personal experience, after having an orgasm from oral sex, I am desperate to feel him inside me...it's an uncontrollable urge, and often I just beg him to penetrate me immediately afte oral. Perhaps this would be a good compromise for you two: he'd still be fired up from having pleased you orally and you could get that closeness, that sensation of penetration which is so satisfying, which is the joy of intercourse.


Oh and just one final thing, agaethwe, about the nerve endings: yes there are few nerve endings in the vagina, but that doesn't mean that penetration isn't pleasurable. There are also few nerve endings in the back but we've all experienced the pleasure of receiving a back rub or from having an itch scratched. You can't know what it's like to have a vagina, so trust your woman when she tells you what she wants and needs...it's the only way to please her.

Thanks for a detailed reply, Loulabelle. I think you hit the nail on the head when you said that intercourse is not the kinkiest thing between the sheets. I would find it a lot more exciting if it were coupled with kinkier activities, like talking dirty, role playing, bondage, toys, master/slave fantasies, or even smaller things like her rubbing her clit during sex. I think that would be a good compromise: I’d enjoy intercourse and my wife would get what she wants. But she sees sex mainly as an expression of love, and is very hesitant to try the kinkier stuff because it’s not a direct expression of love like slow sex in candlelight and looking into each other’s eyes. She is also worried that I would no longer love and respect her if she does some of the kinkier activities, despite my assurances to the contrary. What I’m hoping to do is to draw her out, encourage her to be more open and sexually adventurous, and improve our sex life in the process. She agreed that she wants to move in that direction herself. Posting here was a first step for her. Maybe with time and some encouragement from the good people here she would post some pics of herself.

we always welcome and applaud any mature expressions of sexuality.

reading or writting stories is a good way to loosen up too. steer yourselves toward the erotic stories, pick out a few that you each like and give them to the other to read. sometimes it's easier to have someone else speak the words for you when you are too shy about or too unfamiliar with the topic

I have to be honest...the ADD kicked in BIGTIME!

Is it possible that she doesn't respond as well to your giving her oral because she knows you'd prefer performing cunnilingus to intercourse?

Perhaps if she knows she's gonna get some cock up inside her then she'd feel less stressed about having ya lick'r! ;)

Thanks guys, many of you are spot-on. Yes, I do find it hard to relax and enjoy oral sex because of all the things that were mentioned. Plus, I guess I always thought that oral sex was step 2 of a sexual relationship: first, traditional intercourse, then oral sex once you're familiar with each other's bodies. But we've never had that much intercourse because we've always concentrated on oral. So for me, we're sort of skipping a step.

You all had great suggestions and I think we will take your advice and work some props and things in, so we both can enjoy each other's "field of interest".

PS - any suggestions on good places to find good erotic stories? Wesbites, magazines, etc.

Pixies has some great erotic stories :) Or um, so I've read anyway.

Erotic Story Sites
 

As Maddy said, Pixies has a great erotic stories. Another site I visit often is: http://www.asstr.org/~Kristen/main.htm

It's a good site, they have something for everyones interest.

I've nothing to add to the wise advice of our family. I just have to say that I am always impressed by how well thought out and detailed Loulabelle is!

She's one smart cookie!