Pixies Place Forums - View Single Post - Intercourse vs. Oral sex

Seems to me, that perhaps both of you need to further your education in the other's chosen feild of interest:

agaethwe:

You are definitely missing out on something huge, if you feel that intercourse is 'boring'. Yes, it may not be the kinkiest, wildest thing you've done between the sheets (which can be altered with use of props, toys, clothing etc) but it's the ultimate connection of man and woman. You know when you first fall in love with someone, and it seems that you can't be with them enough, you can't be close enough to them, physically or mentally? Well, for me, intercourse has always felt like it's as close as I can possibly get to my man...it's a way we can truly connect and be one. I've always experienced love and lust as a fluttering sensation in the pit of my stomach...having his cock press against my cervix is about as close to the pit of my stomach as he can get....it kind of scratches that itch that nothing else can.

I'd be the first to agree that I actually find it easier to orgasm from oral than intercourse, but if it were all about achieving orgasm, I have about a hundred toys that could do that for me, and my man could be making himself useful doing the dishes or something! Your hang-ups about intercourse are exactly that: hang-ups. They need to be worked through so that you can be re-educated about sex. Let's face it: you embraced oral sex as a way of being the best lover you can be, but in fact you're achieving exactly the opposite. And in the process you're giving entirely the wrong signals to your wife. Remember, we're all a product of our environment, and unfortunately, our environment teaches women that all men want to do is fuck. When we come across a man who actually apears to be repelled by the idea, we immediately internalise that reaction and ask ourselves 'So what's wrong with me? Why doesn't he want me?' I suspect that at least in part, your wife's aversion to oral sex may be because in her head there's now a mental pathway which links oral sex, to these feelings of inadequacy. Which leads me on to:

Alba:

If, like your husband says, you really don't find pleasure in oral sex, perhaps you need to examine the reasons why that is. I understand that no-one wants the same thing every time they make love, but does it go deeper than that? A lot of women find it difficult to 'let go' and enjoy oral sex. We are products of years of anti-feminine doctrine which says that our bodies are dirty and the idea of being licked in such an intimate place is just repellent to a lot of women. I come from a very 'enlightened' and sexually open family, but I recently had a conversation with my sister in which even she admitted she does not like to receive oral as she worries about how she smells, whether she looks fat in that position etc etc. Also it can be uncomfortable for women to be in a position of simply being pleased by their partner, it can make us feel self conscious and once again, goes against the grain of the traditional sexual role of woman.

Perhaps it would be worth you doing more reading on the subject of oral sex, talking to your man about why he likes it so much, taking time to instruct him about what feels good to you, rather than just letting him do his own thing, which may not be what lights your fire. In my personal experience, after having an orgasm from oral sex, I am desperate to feel him inside me...it's an uncontrollable urge, and often I just beg him to penetrate me immediately afte oral. Perhaps this would be a good compromise for you two: he'd still be fired up from having pleased you orally and you could get that closeness, that sensation of penetration which is so satisfying, which is the joy of intercourse.

Oh and just one final thing, agaethwe, about the nerve endings: yes there are few nerve endings in the vagina, but that doesn't mean that penetration isn't pleasurable. There are also few nerve endings in the back but we've all experienced the pleasure of receiving a back rub or from having an itch scratched. You can't know what it's like to have a vagina, so trust your woman when she tells you what she wants and needs...it's the only way to please her.