Loulabelle,

I have to admit you’re hitting pretty close to home. You definitely get a lot of points for being perceptive. That said, what I really don’t need right now is a guilt trip about how I “begrudge her the one thing on her wish list.” I feel guilty enough as it is, thank you very much. We have sex maybe once a month, in large part because of these feelings of guilt. Don’t you think that I would do anything to satisfy the woman I love in bed in every way possible? Unfortunately, in addition to the issues with intercourse I outlined in the previous thread, I have a problem about with mixing romance and sex. It’s not that I’m not a loving, romantic person, but sex and love/romance are two very different things to me. Candles and soft music I can tolerate, but the stuff with looking deeply into her eyes, whispering sweet nothings, and telling her how much I love her as I fuck her pussy… argh, that just feels so WRONG to me. Call it an intimacy issue, if you will, but different people have different definitions of intimacy. To me, being intimate is about being completely open and uninhibited with someone, not professions of eternal love in the middle of sex. I like sex playful, fun, kinky, and varied: making it into a serious expression of love is a turn-off. Intercourse is not very sexually exciting for me as it is, and intercourse with romance thrown in is doubly so. I can’t stay hard unless I concentrate on some really kinky fantasy in my head, which I don’t like doing because it’s dishonest. Unfortunately, I can’t change who I am sexually, despite trying very hard. Believe me, I’ve tried. So the choice is whether to accept that we’re fundamentally incompatible sexually and hardly ever have sex, or do something about it. I finally decided to do something about it, with my wife’s encouragement. She recently confessed that she enjoyed some of the kinkier things I had her do in the early stages of our relationship, and wants to do more of them, but I have to take initiative. I wouldn’t have started this otherwise. Who knows, maybe learning to enjoy intercourse through kinkier sex will help me appreciate the romantic lovemaking too? I know it’s ass-backwards, but it’s a place to start. And while I do appreciate your input and advice, some of the stuff you write makes me feel selfish, guity, and want to give up.