Thanks everyone for all your advice. I don't know if I'd go as far as to say that I wish her the best. It's more of a situation of just not caring. I don't want anything bad to happen to her but I decided a long time ago that she's just not worth my time.

I've always had really low self esteem. I'm just not capable of understanding what it's like to actually love yourself. I've rarely even liked myself much less loved. I look at things completely backwards from most people. It's not so much that I have a pestimistic point of view, it's just that I look at things as a whole and as unbiased as possible. I also realize that I have a ton of things going for me and there's a lot about me that I should feel proud about. But deep enough down, there's just as much if not a helluva lot more bad stuff about me as there is good. I see myself as a younger version of my father. What I mean by that is the only person on this earth that can live with him/me is his/my mother. It's a long depressing conversation but basically everyone who has lived with my dad has either wanted to kill him or hill theirself.

I kinda see myself as someone who would be best as something like weekend boyfriend or something. My experience has shown that the more time a woman is with me, the higher the chances are of her taking advantage of me and/or leaving me.

My brother was telling me to be more assertive and to make my wants and priorities more of a priority and everything. But the problem is that I just don't know how to do that. I mean if any given woman were to ask me what I wanted or what would make me happy, my god's honest true answer would be to do whatever would make her happy. With my mental problems and everything, there's a lot of times where nothing is going to make me happy. It's always been like that so I've never been able to find something that I truely enjoy, well except sex. I mean seriously, I've heard of people who actually enjoy eating a delicious meal. It could be the best meal I've ever had and I would still see it as nothing more than a daily nutritional requirement. I don't have any hobbies, I have like just a very few video games that I never play. I never buy any new CD's. I think I've been to the movie theatre like once in the past five years. What do I do all day, sit around watch movies that I know by heart and keep the house as clean as possible. That's what my life consists of.

Anyway, this post is being uploaded in good spirits. I'm not really happy, I never am but I'm not depressed either. I just don't care anymore, good, bad, I can't control it either way so why worry about it.

Anywho, if anyone out there has any more wonderful words of wisdom for me, I could sure use it.