When I was with my ex I lost all sex drive (he'd hate to see what I'm like now - he'd be gutted) and there were a mixture of reasons for it. For me, sex became painful but that was more because I was not relaxed enough to enjoy it when we had it and I made the mistake of going along with it for the sake of it a couple of times. Huge mistake! I got to the point where I'd actually have panic attacks half way through sex and we'd have to stop. There were a number of different reasons which tended to feed off themselves. One was that my ex didn't seem interested in turning me on before sex. He'd just ask me if we could have sex and I'd either have to say yes or no. If he'd just approached me right he would have been able to persuade me and I'm sure it would have been fun. I also had a trust issue with him, that I felt he wouldn't respect me if I let my own sexuality show because he was quite straight laced (or so it seemed to me. Perhaps he was just repressing himself as well!) There were other problems in our relationship which is why we split, and if I'd known then what I know now, I doubt it would have been a problem. I firmly believe it's a case of opening up your mind to sex and then the physical stuff will take care of itself (unless there is an actual medical problem there obviously). Try talking to her about fantasies and see if you can get her to open up in a safe environment, and assure her that no matter how turned on the conversation might make you, you're not going to bug her for sex. For me a lot of the problem was feeling guilty that I didn't want to have sex and trying to force the issue, because i knew it's what my partner wanted.

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'Don't knock masturbation - it's sex with someone you love'

- Woody Allen