Jeez, where do I start? I've been coming back to this thread, & reading it over & over, just trying frame my thoughts...& once again, I'm not sure I can improve on anything that's already been said...but I can feel the fear in your post, Lixy, so...here goes nothin'...

Your situation sounds so much like my own a few years back...except that any security I felt was just from drawing a steady paycheck, since I knew I had mastered a dying craft, & I too felt like there was no way to start over again at my age...& when the axe finally fell, I found all my fears of an uncertain future made real, & as if that wasn't enough, when the locusts came, they devoured EVERYTHING...so I can empathize with you completely how it feels to stare into the abyss, & wonder how I could possibly make it to the other side...

But this isn't about me, is it...especially since I don't recommend my experience to anyone...but it does have some relation to the fact that when I found myself in that rut, I did take stock in myself, & figured I did have some value other than my work, & while my other lifeskills didn't look real promising financially, I did start trying to rebuild myself around the edges, figuring I should at least find some way to soften that hard landing a little...

It seems to me that this could be the start of good things for you, just because you've dared to stop & question the hamster wheel you're on...you've built this life one brick at a time, & that's how you'll have to go about building some different life...I can certainly understand your reluctance to tear down the one you have, & you shouldn't have to...

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