I don't do a lot of cooking as you know, but this does seem to be the best place to post an old family recipe for that odd sized specialty when unexpected company drop in.


6,004 loaves stale bread
398 loaves stale cornbread
1/2 acre celery
1/4 acre onions
100 lbs. butter, softened
50 lbs. seasoned salt
1 orchard sage
1 elephant, scraped and drawn (keep the giblets)

Boil elephant giblets for three days. Remove from broth and dice fine. Chop onions and celery, toss all ingredients into a cement mixer and mix well. Add broth from the giblets several gallons at a time until the dressing reaches the desired consistency. Stuff elephant and secure the opening with skewers (blue marlin bills make excellent elephant skewers). Bakes two weeks in an old municipal incinerator with heat on medium-low. Turn out on a bed of palm fronds and place a watermelon in the elephant's mouth.

Servers EVERYBODY!

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