09-10-2007, 01:31 PM
|
 |
pixie of the wood
|
|
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 10,575
|
|
|
I can't contribute any personal experience so I can't offer advice from that perspective but I do think that before you decide to divorce, you should at least talk your husband. A lot. The counseling is a good idea, too, but like your husband, I think I’m just a bit more likely to try to work it out at home before bringing in a headshrinker to overanalyze and make a clinical, academic situation out of a relationship that’s should to be dynamic and blooming and unconstrained by any one set of “norms”. Sometimes we find that which contents us, yet at the same time conventional wisdom tells us that by most standards we shouldn’t feel content.
That isn’t to say that psychologists and others wouldn’t be a help, only that I believe my husband and I could succeed in helping ourselves as long as we remained friends. I'm not sure you should force or threaten your husband into counseling, but it's important to you and perhaps with some of your perspective, he could be persuaded to do it just knowing it meant a lot to you. A great advantage for you both is that hopefully - as close friends - you can be honest with each other about your feelings without it degenerating into arguments or blame-laying or other nasty results that would need a councilor, or worse, need to just end.
You’ve been married a few years, but it’s only been lately that you’re feeling little or no attraction to him. Perhaps it’s something else that’s interfering. A general ennui in life that’s translating to your libido, or to your feelings for him, or to something else entirely. Marriages aren’t solely based on sexual attraction, but it certainly is important and for a certain kind of person – a person who needs that body and brain connection - necessary. But not so important that at the first signs the attraction is fading, the marriage should be ended.
best of luck to you and yours, cognito
|