Dear Steve,

I've known you to be a sensitive person and I know you are in a lot of pain lately. I'm so glad you shared your problem with us. It can be very therapeutic to talk things over. Get them out so you don't feel you are carrying the burden alone. We can give you advice and we can listen and we can be here whenever you need us......but you said so yourself, you are hiding from your fear here and that's not the best thing to do when you have thoughts of suicide. Suicide may seem (at the worst times) to be the only solution to you. It's actually the absolute worst solution! It's no joke when they say, "tomorrow's another day". And if you weren't here you wouldn't know what that day held for you! It could be the best day of your life.....but you wouldn't be here to know that! Yes, of course, it could another day just like the last.....but it is one more day closer to a means to an end.

You are not always going to be in this situation. Life ALWAYS has ups and downs. If it didn't.....how would we ever know what good was if we never had bad to compare it to? Not one single person on this planet has a "perfect" life free of the bad things that get us down. No one does! Some have worse things happening to them than you or I will ever experience. But when we let fear overcome us and shadow our perspective as to the fact that it can't always be like this.....depression sets in....and that's the time when we NEED professional help!

I know money can be a problem situation for you right now......but don't neglect yourself for lack of money! There must be clinics that can provide a therapist for a nominal fee or even free. I don't know how that works for you where you are but I know that a phone book and some cross referencing could help you find the help you need. Maybe even the clergy at a church near you. They might direct you to a place that helps people in your situation. A hospital might help you get in touch with someone who's fees are within your means. Whatever the case DON'T neglect yourself at this time hun! Your fears and anxieties are real and you NEED help coping with all that has come down on you lately! There is NO shame in asking for help. There IS cowardice and shame in suicide. No one has ever looked back at a family member or friend and said, "Yes, he did the right thing in his case. I feel good that _______ did what he did to spare us watching him in pain. I'm glad he didn't go for help because now he would be around and happier than me". *Some things will just never be spoken.*

Sorry for the preaching Steve..........I just care about you and I don't want you to NOT care too! So.......go get that telephone book or call that local hospital and ask for help hun! You deserve it and you need it and we want you around here for a long time!

*hugs n more hugs*

P.S........PM me anytime if you need a shoulder.

__________________
Minds are like parachutes. They only work when they are open.

~Thomas Dewar~