Some of her best.

I love to go to the doctor. Where else would a man look at me and say, 'Take off your clothes?'

You know you're old when someone compliments you on your alligator shoes and you're barefoot.

You know you're getting old when your blood type's been discontinued.

I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about 'short' and 'cheap?'

I realised on our first wedding anniversary that our marriage was in trouble. Fang gave me luggage. It was packed. My mother damn near suffocated.

Housework can't kill you but why take a chance?

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.

Be nice to your children, for they will choose your rest home.

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Calm, quiet, smooth, devastating