hmmm... good questions Mr. Dan. let me see if i can answer them objectively. how did i want my first time to be? well of course i wanted to be seduced. i didnt want it to be planned. i wanted it to just kinda happen. yes you are right. i am the one that made the ultimate decision. and i have no regrets about that. i wanted to do it. you may wonder why i am 22 and just having sex for the first time. well for a long time it was a religious/moral issue that kept me waiting. but i guess you could say that i started to rethink things some what. i felt like i was waiting for the wrong reasons if that makes sense. and i also find myself to be a horny little girl. after much thought and deliberation i made the conscious decision that waiting till marriage wasnt what i wanted to do. i still believed that "love" was for somene special...but that sex was a little more carnal than that. (i realize that love+sex= a really great thing ... but i'm not there yet , and thats okay) ....so anyway...back to the sex. i wanted it to be more involved i suppose. not just a kiss, a few gropes, a bing and a bang, and thats all she wrote! ....am i making any sense here? yes i had some control in the situation....but i guess you could say i wasnt confident enough to take on that responsibility. and frankly i wasnt expecting it to be over that quickly..i thought i still had some time........i guess i was wrong. the thought that he was a man of ample experience and i was quite the rookie was very intimidating to me. like mentioned before i was concerned about living up to expectations, etc.

but what can i say...u live and u learn right? and really...him knowing it was my first time, i think he could have made some more efforts especially to spend time w/ me (there's more to that story as well...but anyway). but on the other hand..i wasnt going to be the "typical girl" and whine and cry about him hurting my feelings. so i will take the fall on that one too. oh well.