Having spent the last month slicing through a pair of manacles with only a 6 inch piece of dental floss, I arrive at the award ceremony scruffy and wild eyed. The auditorium is deserted except for the bronze scroll standing alone on the stage. Through the mists of time I hear the muffled sounds of voices and the chink of glasses, laughter rings from each corner of the room. Making my way through the tables and chairs I recall the characters who frequent them: Lilith, Legend, LoveDiva, SugarSprinkles, Nikki, Christine, Aqua, Irish, Lixy, Summer... a continuous list of happy horny people.

I clamber up onto the stage and lift the scroll to have a better look. I grin broadly and twist the manacle chains together fashioning a crude sculpture.

"This is for everyone at Pixies, The Crazy Cuffs Award for services to the smuttiest section of society it has ever been my pleasure to have met. I invite any passing member to accept this on behalf of everyone else"

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Strength in depth

I believe your most attractive features are your heart and soul