Sounds like she is mixing up opening your marriage with cheating and deceit. They are very different and not related unless one partner(or both) cannot keep loving and sexing apart. Inviting another man and/or woman into your sex life is way different than discovering someone hiding, waiting for you to leave your spouse in the morning. But I agree, your spouse and perhaps you as well need to heal more from her affair. Don't risk your relationship for the sake of slaps and tickles. Work more on the glue first.

__________________
Lots of people talk and few of them know, soul of a woman was created below

I can't get through to her 'cause it doesn't permit
But I'm gonna give her everything I've got to give.

I hear your sweet voice calling
out my name
As I stare from a six foot cell
And from beyond I heard the words
Deceptively Yours