I'm feeling a bit culturally remote on this Asshole issue.

Is there an absolute definition to being an asshole or are there grades - who are the prime examples?

Could it be a relative thing - in the eye of the beholder or one man's asshole being another man's best friend?

Are these the sort of things that worry an asshole?

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Vigil, if you were my husband, I would give you poison.

Madam, if you were my wife, I would take it.