Setting the gender politics aside (until I'm sitting in the old folk's home and make an unbiased judgement on the issue), there just have to be times when one half of the partnership want to get off and the other doesn't. That's life.

I find the absolute best way to deal with the problem is this. Supoose you are a lady and your man is lying there with a woody that won't let him sleep, and you don't feel like joining in. Put him on his back, one arm around you and your head on his shoulder. Cup his balls in your hand. Now he can masturbate and you can feel it all happen. He gets off, you get cuddled, and everyone has a warm fuzzy feeling. Very nice.

And, of course, it works in the other direction too.