The deadlocked door of the kirk slammed shut and it took the vicar and

myself till now to pick the lock 'cos the keys were in the rectory

and his housekeeper was over at her sister's because the poor

thing had a headache caused when she hit her head chasing Mrs

Jones' cat which ate her budgie after a tennis ball knocked over the

cage which caused Susan to lose her concentration in a vital set and

the St Andrews tennis team won again so they all had to go down

to the pub.............

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Calm, quiet, smooth, devastating