seaker,

Lilith has the right of it. I was abused by my father (funny how it's usually the people we trust most isn't it?).

While I have not had counseling, I have tried to not dwell on it. It has not prevented me from getting close to my husband, but it has manifested in other ways. I have told him about it so he will understand my frailties and foibles.

Letting your wife know (if she doesn't already) would be a good first step. It demonstrates trust in her and your relationship with her and may go some way to helping you heal. Seek counseling as well, either solo or as a couple to help you get through this. You deserve to have a good life, and as Lilith said, as long as you allow the fact the abuse occurred (which cannot be changed) to stop you from being the person you can be you are still letting him control you.