News Flash: Government sources outline new threat

(5/29/04, Washington, DC) Today the administration reported a new and insidious threat to our safety and security. It appears that there are certain elements among us who are intent on viewing Pixies women in various states of undress. The government announced it has started a full-fledged search for those aiming to abscond with panties, those focused on women’s posteriors, and those intent upon handling the lovely Pixie lady’s breasts. The Homeland Secuity Administration leaked that it has also picked up on increased levels of electronic transmissions of lusty conversations which the agency termed “cybersex”. A new series of alert levels has been developed based upon colors of women’s undergarments: the lowest level will be white, then beige, blue, and red with the highest level being black. Stayed tuned to this station for breaking developments on this new and frightening situation.