OK, I'm a slightly different case, but heaven knows what might help you in the end...so I'll step up. I don't know if it's the sort of process you're looking for. Grad school sucked, there were a lot of points at which I really didn't know if it was worth it for me. But I had a lot invested already, and didn't want to throw that away without reason.

The point is to be a happy and fulfilled human, right? I figure if I got there, whatever it meant in the end, I'd win. So I made lists. I typed out pages entitled: "what I want" and "what I need." I did them simultaneously, figuring out what deserved to be on each. Then I whittled. I got it down to 5-7 things on each page. It took days. No kidding. It wound up with the basics. I needed enough money not to fear the next billing cycle. I wanted enough that I could give it away without worrying. It turns out, that doesn't have to be a lot of cash. And I threw things off the list, things I wanted that weren't possible (having my Dad be proud of me) for example. Anyway, that sort of thing. Learned a lot, just in that process.

Then I took a week off from active re-evaluation. Came back to the lists, and realized they rang true. I'd pretty much gotten them right. Made adjustments and moved on to the next thing.

I asked myself if my current career/life path could get me where my want/need lists told me I had to be. Honestly, it could. If I hadn't come to that conclusion, I think I'd have jumped ship right then. Or, at least, spent time figuring out what job would get me what I needed in life. I did play around with other ideas, but nothing really fits me as well. But I was still fundamentally unhappy, so the right path to the right things didn't feel like enough to get me to stay. That baffled me.

I made another list. Yes, this career path could take me where I wanted to go....but it was costing me something. I made a list of the sacrifices I felt I was making, all the negative things that were dragging me down. And I realized that I'd screwed up my want/need lists weren't perfect after all.....there were things that were important that I hadn't put down. I needed positive feedback, to know when I was doing something well. Not something I realized when I made my need/want lists. But it's there, in me. I won't be happy without occasional pats on the head...however shallow that makes me. And I wasn't getting any, instead I was getting kicked daily. But that was a temperary thing, it was the person I was working with. If I could get through, get qualified and get out the bad things would go away. The long game made the short term problems worthwhile. In my case, it was going to work out. Or at least, it could. So I stuck with it. Again, if I'd decided that I'd never get the positive feedback, I'd have left. I'd have had to.

I really feel that the difference between me staying on my path and other people leaving theirs was luck. I got lucky and had good guidance and chose the right thing first. But sometimes it takes as much understanding and introspection to stay as to leave. In the end, the real test is knowing what you want, and how to get it.....then doing what's necessary. In my case, it was getting into therapy to get me through the temporary hell. It worked, it got me to the next stage.



I'm great. The job is 1000% improved since I finished the wretched degree and started playing in the big leagues. It's not perfect yet, but I'm not in my final position. People look at me crosseyed sometimes when I tell them where I'm aiming, it's not "the best possible place" in the profession's eyes...more of a consolation prize for those who couldn't hack it at the top. But it's the best thing for me. I'm not there yet, but I'm getting closer daily. Got an interview in a couple of weeks that'll be another step in that direction. And just knowing what I want, why I need it, and that it's all possible is enough to get me through the days when I'm not there yet.

I told my friends and family EVERYTHING. The bad, the good and the ugly. When I didn't have the strength to walk my path, they held me on it....but only because they knew it was what I wanted. They checked my math and kept me honest. They made it easier. I couldn't have done it without them. All of them. Well, strike that. There are genetically close family members who didn't know I was going through the re-evaluation....they wouldn't have helped. But I did tell everyone I trusted to love and care for me, the ones I trusted to let me be my own first priority for a while. I don't know how anyone manages the big things without that kind of support. I let them know that I was questioning, and I let them know what the decisions were, and when I was changing my mind again.




Life isn't a dress rehersal, and you don't have to play it by anyone else's rules. The only way to lose is to refuse to follow your heart. Figure out what your victory conditions are. They don't have to be the same as anyone else's. If it's not a big house in the subburbs with 2 cars, a vacation home, and 2.4 children...then it isn't. If it's working with street kids and the only way to finance that is a day job at McDonalds, do it. Have a think, down to the basics, and then make a detailed plan of how to get what you want. If it's too scary to make a plan for what you're "going" to do...then make one for what "somoeone would have to do" to get there. A detailed plan...find out what's involved. Things are always scariest when they're vague and unclear.

And definately get your cheering section pumped up and ready....you've got a bunch of volunteers here to start with!!

Good luck with it....all of it. It's scary, but you're going to come out of it clearer and more