I've been looking at this post for days, and trying to formulate a good response. Not sure that I have one, but I'm going to do my best.
First, I believe that such trials and difficulties come out of taking risks. If you hadn't taken risks, you might not have been in this particular situation. Loving someone is a risk. Divorce is certainly risky (and full of a LOT of trouble) as I am sure you've discovered. Buying a house is a risk -- a pretty large one on the financial scale.
Risks aren't bad. In fact, they can be VERY good things. Just realize that when you take them you have a high probability of something going south. When making a decision we all have to calculate how important the benefit is to us, vs. the risks that we might incur.
Do I sound like an engineer yet?
Second, I believe that we tend to get better at risk taking over time. More able to calculate the odds, and also more capable of dealing with the consequences. I absolutely feel that my happiness is worth taking some risks for, and I know you feel the same way.
"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger." I use this phrase all the time as a joke, but I really believe it's true. The people who believe in themselves and their ability to handle risks keep taking them. The prize? Having the life you have always wanted, or getting as close to the dream as reality will permit. I hope you find that you're getting closer to the life you want for yourself and your kids.
Third, I believe that we show our character most when we are in times of trouble. When I am mad, do I kick the dog? Or do I take that energy and go to the gym? When I have no money, can I find time for someone who needs me? Or do I make a lame excuse?
IAKG, in this area particularly you are amazing. With everything going on in your life, you took time last week to PM me and ask me about mine. I've never seen you angry or vindictive....and while I know your ex drives you to distraction, it seems that you are uncommonly patient and kind to him.
So...I see in you someone who takes risks to get what she wants, copes very well with the fallout, and has very strong character. Rather than asking for advice, I think we should all be asking some of you. How do you do it?
As for the stress....I am an expert on that! Here's what works for me:
- You are not superwoman. Ask for help. Don't try and do it all by yourself
- Take some time for YOURSELF on a weekly basis -- read a book, take a walk, maybe take a class. Do something you enjoy. Be a little selfish to preserve your sanity.
- Give yourself permission to let something slip. You're going to make mistakes. There's a lot going on in your life right now.
- Talk to your friends. We're here as a stress-relief valve.
- It's OK to cry... Life sucks sometimes.
- Assign some tasks to kleclere to lessen the load
- Keep in mind...you're doing this to get the life that you want. Visualize the good things that will come out of this time of change. Remember -- it's worth it. YOU are worth it!