i found this site quite some time ago but have not visited in a while. i came across it again recently and thought this would be a good forum to ask a question or get others advice. i am a very affectionate person by nature, i love to please, but having waited until i was in my late 20's to have any kind of intimate or sexual contact i am definately not as experienced as others.

i am now happily dating a girl who was married for nearly 10 years to a man who was, in her words, king of the 5 minute special. evidently there are men out there who skip kissing, touching, caressing, all of the good stuff and go directly to penetration, get off, and they are done regardless of the other persons desires. sad, but that is what she was used to.

the thing is that she is very fortunate. i have learned that some women cannot have orgasms, some can only have them due to penetration (vaginally), some only through clitoral stimulation (orally), and some can only have one. she can have them orally, vaginally, and she can have them over and over - my highest count was near 20, i had to stop because it was just getting overwhelming for her.

anyway as i mentioned i love to please, and honestly would rather please her or bring her to orgasm than have that done to me. i have encouraged her to communicate to me what she wants, what she likes, what she needs - and she has done a good job of that. one issue that has come up is oral sex. she had never had genuine oral sex before. it had only been given a few times, and that was only after repeatedly asking and even then it was infrequent, quick, and begrudgingly done - so it is no suprise that she really did not get that much from it.

well i LOVE to give orally - there is a deeply arousing feeling from focusing entirely on giving - hearing, feeling, tasting her response is incredible - so we do that often and it is obvious from her reaction and talking about it that she REALLY enjoys it. she wants to return the favor and i enjoy that as well, but she does not feel like she is good at it.

i dont really know how to judge, as i have only had one other partner before. but i know i did feel more pleasure with the other partner, i just dont know what made it so or how to communicate what to or not to do. she wants to know, i just dont know what to tell her. also she has a very strong gag reflex so when she does go down on me, if she tries to swallow when i climax she chokes - which i understand but it does make me feel bad because i dont want her to feel she has to do that.

does anyony have any suggestions as to how she may feel more comfortable and confident in giving oral sex? any any suggestions as to how to deal with climaxing without gagging? she wants to swallow - says she enjoy is, she just cannot help gagging.