ok, first of all, I REALLY want a fucking cigarette right now. However, at this point I think it's just a mental battle. For the past two days I've woke up and all I could think about is how much I want a cig. I don't even feel as though it's to actually smoke a cig, just something to pass the time. I can't afford to start smoking, I might have like $30 to last me a months and that's no where near enough to cover my previous habit of nearly a pack a day.

I don't know what I'm gonna do, I keep having these thoughts of "just one to hold you over for a while" but then every time I smoke one I end up feeling like I could smoke a foot long cigarette. Because I only smoke one I always end up feeling so bad that I smoked period, like it's another in a long list of failures. When I quit before, it just seemed so easy. I made up my mind that I wasn't going to smoke anymore, bought me a box of "commit" and by the time the box was empty I barely wanted a cig. What little bit I did want one, will power was able to control.

Well this time will power can just go to hell, I want a fucking cigarette! I don't understand why it's so hard.

wish me luck is all I can say I guess.