there are myriad “sex-sites” out there. there are sites that explain it, sites that advocate it, or defile it, condemn it, edify it, exploit it and critique it. you’re not looking in the right places i think. i recommend you begin with links from places like planned parenthood here in the us. or a google search with the right key words. eduxcation can only be a good thing, so explore away together but as for how to go about the business of wooing her…i don't believe that you need woo a virgin any differently than you'd woo a prostitute or a widow or a college freshman or your adolescent crush.
to woo, or at least the connotation i get from the word, implies
romance and
emotion, not one-night-stands and fuck-buddies, meaning that you pretty much gotta wing it. courtship is a subtle yet dynamic dance. you can never push but never draw away. never judge but never see their blunders as meaningless. never force but you can’t be ineffectual, either. it’s a conundrum, and one that you must work out between you. she’s pretty much the only one that can give you the tools you need to unlock her sexuality. you said you two are
already friends. gives you a one-up on most!
i gahtered from what you said that for her, her virginity is something precious. plus she’s skittish to boot.
very very very different from the girl last week, so you should treat her accordingly. relationships don’t usually start with sex, sex is a sometime-down-the-road benefit. and even then, besides the obvious physical, there are so many pathways you walk to traverse the whole “mind game” that is emotional sex (meant not in that phrase’s manipulative sense but to express the fact that emotionally charged sexual relationships involve so much more of the brain than just the sating of lust on an available body). i can only hope your emotions involved are something more than selfish, they seem like they could be...
…and as to that issue this thread has dredged up, the issue of your intentions toward this woman and how you think of women generally, which should not be ignored as it is part and parcel of asking for advice. —and I want to inject here that i do not think anyone was unduly harsh, even for pixies— rest assured that there are those, even those who have been members for a long while, who have received advice that was unfavorable or unwanted. it’s what happens when you put yourself out there. there is no accounting for people’s tastes and you have zero control over the outcome. it is only your own input that you can control. but, and this is a big but, as long as anyone can think of sex as the remarkably wonderful consequence of life it is and not as something that should be tallied, debased or denigrated, i find the people here raect as an accepting, supportive and honest lot.
~funny thing: pixies are totally willing to be used and played with… as a free, living and breathing diorama of sexually charged people behaving in exactly those ways.
here it is as i see it —and i’m gonna get a bit harsh here— i
have read some of your comments with the sarcasm you intended, quite a few actually…and I
get that…that can be funny, but quite a few of
your (notice the emphasis on ‘your’) choices of phrase were also churlish in nature and flippant at best. when describing something, personally i’d go with fact over ribald humor. specifically, in your case, andrew dice clay style one-liners. if i could apply a voice to you or draw a caricature of you, so to speak, I would label it ‘player’, or—more harshly still—‘player wannabe’ and a player, to my mind, is a walking metaphor for the full and complete list of what not to do.
but at times you can be guileless and thoughtful . the word woo, for instance. i took that at total face value. it’s a sweet word so you must have sweetness in you. the simple fact that here you are, back again, trying to explain yourself without going on the attack. i believe you when you say you realise she needs time. i’m going to go out on a limb here and say that you’re still a bit confused as to how you want to express your
own sexuality. which, by the way, is not a bad thing. you remind me so much of my younger brother. he can tell me, all in the same breath, that he respects women (and mean it on a very real level) and that he would fuck that chick on tv…”if she had a bag over her head!” when I point out the polar differences to him he says it’s guy thing, he’s just bein’ funny. what I think? all he needs is to accept some guidance on the subject.
the written word.
i completely agree that emotional intention is nearly impossible to convey in a conversation that takes place on virtual paper,…even with the smiles
…i confess i have agonized over a turn of phase before, myself and i have posted things that i wish i could take bakck but my chance has gone. no-one can ever understand what it is like to read their own words without knowing, firsthand, the intended delivery~where the drummer would improvise the rim-shot. you, yourself, misread a post or two on this very thread. got your back up a bit over something meant only in consideration. it happens.
when all else fails and it’s going down the toilet, be respectful and you can’t go wrong.
the cool part about forums is that you have allllll the time in the
world to figure out how you wanna say something. but there comes a point at which the sum of all the parts will equal an irrefutable whole and whom you have shown yourself to be cannot be undone by a few poorly wordeded sentences. (i have always thought that there should be an etiquette sticky to give us all the skinny before we plunge blindly ahead
) so as i see it you can either a.)choose your words carefully and if it’s a joke make sure it’s obvious or b.)inoculate us with your sense of humor until everyone finally gets it and put up with the ire you may bestir along the way. to be your whole self or a version of yourself…. a very profound decision indeed. for my part, i got a taste of this and i almost blew it. i recommend you compromise. be who you are in real life if real life allowed you to show a naked picture of yourself or voice an intimate thought and no-one had a single nasty thing to say about it and somebody even asked if you might be able to baby-sit their kids tomorrow.
just like anywhere…there will be people you like and people you don’t. there will be people who don’t like you, either. tragically, there is no law that states everyone must be friends. and, yes lixy told it true, we take the advice forum quite seriously
errr….*flips up her skirt and wiggles her ass in due penance for this post’s garrulous nature…and all the big words
*