okay, I just don't really know what to feel right now. It's probably better that my wife leaves me. I thought that I could keep her happy, I obviously can't. She deserves the best and she's never had any problems finding guys before me so hopefully she'll find someone.

Okay, let's do another one of my what if dealies... Say I am actually able to pull myself together enough and to force myself to go out and get a job with little or no involvement with the public (the only type job I'd be capable of handling). I was thinking of working in a parts department or something. I used to work at a local mortocycle shop's parts department and shipping/recieving department.

My point is that even if I push myself BEYOND my current level of ability in an effort to put myself out in there in the world. How many females period am I gonna come in contact with, much less a single 20 something hopeful hottie. Either way, I'm just really finding it hard to think of ANY situation in which I'd have the chance for anymore than the occasional one night stand based on lust. That's not what I want.

I'm just really down in the dumps right now and feeling just really conflicted. It's weird, even though I'm pretty depressed, I'm still horny as hell. I mean yeah it's been a while, maybe a couple weeks since I'd had sex. It's just the fact that I thought about my wife's "play parts" alot when I knew that I'd be able to at least see if not play with that night. Now I'm alone and facing being that way for a very long time, yet all I wanna do is just fuck the living hell out of someone.

Thanks for everyone's concern, if you know any sweet little 20 something's that are in central va and looking for a good nameless lay, then I guess send them my way but other than that, I guess all I need is time.