i’d like to weigh in on this speaking as a semi-newbie. i don’t worry that that’s what other people thinkof me, that’s how i think of myself. i just started writing but i’m warning you before you go on, i might have a lot to say.
i have been a pixie for almost a year and i am beginning to understand the
basics, nevermind the intricacies. i seem to have a eureka about something, technical or social, every week. i know i’ve said before that i stumbled onto this sight but i don’t think you know how stumble-y it really was. it’ll give you an idea when i say i was reading pixies’ stories for about 6 months before i even noticed there were buttons on the page that said things like ‘post’ let alone what they meant. i didn’t know what this place was nor had i ever haerd about anything like it. it was a surprise to me whe i saw there were conversations going on. knowing what i do now, i would have introduced myself and taken time to get to know the place. instead i jumped right in. i had no idea i was entering a house and didn’t act accordingly. i wasn’t abrasive but i didn’t even say hi. like i said…clueless.
when i joined here people were nice, but not overly so. and some people were rude….but not overly so. i wasn’t crying over it. there was, in my case, a time or two where i was called on something that someone else was not. was that a double standard or abuse of senority? i don't know, because maybe that other someone was called on it, too, but privately. i think people forget sometimes that everthing that goes on does not happens right there in balck and white for all to see. and anyway, that’s life, some people are snots. and i didn’t wish someone would come to my rescue or make sure i was being treated fairly but then again i didn’t understand that therewas even anyone out there that could or would. it wouldn’t have made a difference anyway. and because that was my first understanding of pixies it is the one i still carry with me now. yes the mods are there for help and i have asked for it but i don't expect them to protect me, babysit me or spoon feed me. i am a big girl and i will sink or swim on my own and take my commuppance when it's due.
so where i’m going with this is to say that that ^^^ doesn’t give me any qualifications to comment on flaming and how pixies and other sights handle it. the only other forum i’ve seen is two brief glimpses of literotica. and i’m not even sure of it’s exact meaning. i know it’s when someone gets ganged up on but i don’t’ know when it stops being telling a jerk to get an attitude adjustment and starts being flaming. but as a member of pixies who likes it here and cares about it and checks out the discussions about a hundred times more than she checks out the pictures, i’d like to say how i see it. i am unqualified in the extreme but i am continuing on because you asked and i know that you genuinely want everyone who wants to speak do so. and
that, i think, is a good example of how welcoming pixies is already.
unfortunately, i don’t think you can make new people feel more welcome, lil. besides just being nice yourself (which you are) and setting the example and putting things back on track when they go astray (which you do), you can’t force the issue. in fact, maybe thats what this thread is about ina way, too: a reminder of sorts.
i really do think letting people have their say
is allowed at pixies. show me one time where a mod said
you’re not allowed to have that opinion and i’ll retract that statement. snotty and nasty are different and we can all
tell the difference. if you wanna be a snot go ahead but don’t come crying if you find yourself suddenly on the defensive. and if someone wants to be rude they shouldn’t complain when someone else calls them on it--just as you are allowed to speak your mind, so am i. dealing with sheer nastiness is is just one of the ways the mods keep pixies friendly; if you’re nasty it’s not long before you are shown the door. it’s a shame that people don’t post more interesting discussions on occasion. i am another one that would love a spirited debate on (insert interesting controversial topic here) but then again, i would never turn something like that pesonal. some do and that ruins it for all. if having controversial discussions ruins the site it’s frankly not worth the trade off. c’est la vie
and i’m just hypothesizing here (apropos how some have said that they feel the mods weren't as interfering in the past) but it could be that because of the sensitivity to it and the troubles it’s caused in the past, that the lines between meanie and snot are getting blurred. perhaps an avoid-at-all-costs approach has crept in here, prematurely quashing anything that has the distant scent of nasty. which in turn has promted members to become more sensitive to it as well. pixies has been evolving for some time now and it will continue to do so. i can tell you that the the way the mod's have reacted to nastiness has been consistent and fair since i joined but on occasion i do go back through the much earlier threads (this, as newbie-to-newbie advice, is a neat and often touching or funny way to get to know people who have been around awhile) and it does seem to me people got away with a bit more than they do now, but not a whole lot. then again i would never know any private communtications in either case. either way, you are the ones who make the judgement calls now that will maintain the level of integrity the owners want. you gotta call em as you see em and in no way do i think this should be democratic. i do not envy you in the least. you’re almost always going to upset someone. i can practically feel how frustrating this would be.
this isn’t a party, lil, where you are the hostess and need to personally make certain everyone knows where the potty is and has someone to talk to. it’s a house. a huge, rambling, old many-corridored mansion where people communicate through post-it notes stuck on the walls. you’ve put up signs, you’ve categorize the site so people can find what they are looking for. you are welcoming and friendly and helpful and that is enough, more than enough. but actually trying to find a place where every pixie can fit it? you can break the forums down into even more specific categories i guess and put stickies in every one telling any who cares to read them about the expectations, philosophy and rules but i don’t think it’s possible to make sure everyone is happy here. i love that you even want to try, though. (((((((hugs))))))) it says volumes about the kind of person you are.