ya i realized the escape route thing last month and have scraped 150 up so far i think if i can do that or simaler a month ill be ok soon . and if i sell me car before i leave then theres a down payment on a new car . i look weekly at the job scene where i want to go and monthly at homes i can buy and apartments i can rent. i cant decide wether its cold blooded or just practicle. i told him in november that i was tierd of being the one to push for counceling and always gettin an "im to busy right now" from him so it is up to him to pursue it . im just drained of always being the one who takes charge and makes things work . oh well maybe soon huh. i just feel so guilty . even tho he knows im not happy he doesnt know how serious i am . hes so happy . i cant understand what im doing wrong with my life and why im so unhappy in a marrage that my SO is totally happy in .