(((Jenna)))!! I'm sure you've noticed there are many many more of us once and future relationship-phobes than it seems like. Sometimes I just wonder how anybody manages to hook up in this complicated world. I have to add my name to the list, and agree with all those above. My wounded teenage self was convinced that pleasure was simply the absense of pain....and that if I worked damned hard to avoid pain, I could get the best I might expect out of life. That was way too simple, but it wasn't until I found a good person to share myself with that I learned that alone might be safe, but it was a long long way from what I deserved.

I think I hear something familiar in your initial post, though. It's the self-defeating cry of the intelligent woman. You're smart, girl. You can build a damned clever argument for why you "can't" have a relationship. You can talk very convincingly about that "wall" and how you can't scale it any more, so it's better to just accept your life and get on with it. And if you're like me, the more you sit alone in your home/tub/car and repeat the argument to yourself...the better it sounds, the more convincing, and the more impossible the task ahead of you if you want to tear down the wall. The best tip I've got for you is that that argument, all by itself, IS the wall. That rationalized self-doubt is what's keeping you from trying for something better. Stop it. Stop saying it. Admit that it's more fear than "real reasons I can't succeed." Stop deceiving yourself that the wall is insurmountable, and reach out.

Truthfully, the worst that can happen isn't as bad as we lead ourselves to believe...and the best is better than we can imagine.

We're all rooting for you, Hon. Take it slow, go in baby steps...this isn't necessarily your future mate...he's just a guy. Don't do or say more than you're comfortable with...but don't quit before you try. We know you can do it.

G