Pixies Place Forums - View Single Post - Virtuality to Reality: Online Relations

Where to being....how about the beginning? I have had 4 online experiences (doesn't look like I learned from any of them, does it?...I promise I really did). My first experience was when I was 17. I met a guy in a chat room and we hit it off pretty well. We talked for 8 months before we met in person. In that time, we were engaged and I was happy.....or so I thought. Two months later, it was all over because a friend knocked some sense into me and made me realize that this guy just wasn't who he said he was. He had made up a life just for me....he wasn't who he had said he was. The whole situation was just a mess and I learned that most people should not be trusted. I went from "trust everyone until they give you a reason not to" to "trust no one until they give you a reason to."

My 2nd experience- I asked for this one. I had posted on Yahoo personals and got a response. I have to admit, I wasn't physically attracted to the guy but I knew that I would fall for someone completely based on their personality. I met the guy near campus (since he was a fellow student) at a donut shop and was bored out of my mind. He loved poilitics....I didn't. I decided to give him 1 more chance. We went out to eat (I should also mention that he believed that all expenses on the date should be split 50/50....which is ok but not usually the way it's done, lol) and then went to a movie....which didn't start for an hour. Basically, we sat in my van (after he crawled into the back seat....I joined him but hugged my driver seat the entire time, fists ready to fly if need be) until he said "Maybe you should stop thinking about things so much and just do them." I was like "I can't believe he just said that!" So I told him I had to go to the bathroom just to get out of there. I decided I would leave him if I beat him out. Of course, I didn't. After that, we never talked again.....fine with me.

3rd- Started talking to another guy (also a fellow student). I had a blast hanging out with him.....as a friend. It spiraled down really fast. I felt like he was ashamed to tell people that I was his gf. He was my complete opposite so I thought he was just making up for everything that I lacked. My family would never have approved of him. This lasted 2 days short of being a month.

4th and current- A guy randomly started talking to me after he saw my Yahoo profile. I never forgot about all the online things from before so I never expected anything to come of it. We talked online almost every night for about 1.5 months before meeting in person. I remember begging and hoping that this guy would be different and be the guy that I was looking for. We've been dating for nearly 2 months (if my math is correct) and it's been the happiest time of my life. Granted, we have our ups and downs, but that's to be expected with any relationship.

I did give offline dating a shot.....my heart was broken by the person I had absolutely adored for 4 years....3 of which he never knew about.

After all this (I know, not the greatest track record), here's what I've learned:
1. Yes, follow your heart but make sure your mind is the guide.
2. People are not always who they seem to be.....not all people are good.
3. Being naive and the internet NEVER mix.
4. There's no rush....take your time and feel a person out....chances are, you'll see sides of them that don't show in the beginning.
5. Sometimes, it's worth taking the chance.....just make sure you keep your ears and eyes open at all times.
6. Desperation is not your friend.
7. If something seems out of place....don't ignore it.
8. We all have some sort of insecurities....make sure YOU are the one making the decisions, not your insecurities......you are the only one that knows what is best for yourself.

Take Care and Best Always!!
(Sorry this was so long!)