How about I'd strip you nude, tie your hands behind your back, place an address on an address label affixed to your forehead, attach the clip on reading lamp to a stick held in your mouth and a piece of chalk between your toes ... with which you'd have to ask passer-bys how to reach the address at night and you'd ask by scratching the question on the sidewalk with the chalk. Whew!

A tube of flavored lube, a towel, and a box of .