OK, here goes. And yes, IAKG, irony accepted.

Dear brothers and sisters:
I announce to you a great joy: we have a Pope! (Habemus Papam).

Who is: Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger of Germany.
Papal Name: Benedict XVI

__________________
I see your fantasy... you want to make it a reality

Are you in the mood to be subdued

You see these shackles
Baby I’m your slave
I’ll let you whip me if I misbehave

Tie me to the bedpost

I like it rough
cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all