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The first thing I would do is talk to the people who are being informants to this girl...the ones who you talk to in confidence but then end up telling her stuff. You tell them to not say anything, you want nothing to do with that girl, and you would prefer it if you could keep talking to them, but won't if they continue to betray your trust.
The important thing here is boundaries...everyone must respect them, and you must set them clearly. Each relationship is unique, so you must address each person individually. If they cannot respect those boundaries and your own reasonable needs, then you have to write them off (because if they are not, more than likely they are part of this whole high school mess).
Lastly, I am betting it feels so high school to you guys because there is a lot of this passive aggressive stuff I was mentioning going on. Sounds like a lot of backstabbing and talking shit behind peoples backs. Like I said above, the problem with that (in the high school scenario) is that even those people you see as those you can trust, could be part of the gossip group.
The only way to remedy these situations is to not leave anything unsaid, tell that girl exactly what you have been writing here....don't spare her feelings. However, approach it in a logical and unemotional way...say, "I'm not emotional right now, but I needed to let you know how I see things and express to you some of my thoughts just so its out there and you know where I stand with you." If you come from an unemotional place that gives a lot more validity to whatever your statements are. This would give her the chance to change the relationship, if she was a good person, or, if not, give her permission to do things to your face instead of behind your back, that way you can at least see everything coming instead of being shocked by it.
Again, make sure you talk to everyone honestly and put it all out there, maybe even a roommate meeting (although I think that would be too dramatic and individual or small group conversations would suffice).
Point is, put it all out there.....it will make the aggression visible or blunt, instead of how it is now, behind your back and passive. I would rather see the knife coming at me instead of me always wondering when it is going to be shoved into my back....direct confrontation makes that possible and will lift a huge weight off your shoulders to let it all out.
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