"Friends help you move....Real friends help you move BODIES!"

Sex on television can't hurt you unless you fall off

Happiness is seeing your mother-in-law's face on the back of a milk carton

It's lonely at the top, but you eat better

Never play leap frog with a unicorn

Just when you think you've won the rat race along come faster rats

Wink. I'll do the rest

Cynics are people who know the price of everything and the value of nothing

No radio. Already stolen

Flying saucers are real, the Air Force doesn't exist

I've run out of sick days, so I am calling in dead

Defecation eventuates

If there is a tourist season, why can't we shoot them

Don't piss me off. i'm running out of places to hide the bodies

Diplomacy is the Art of saying "Nice doggie" until you can find a rock.

Lead me not into Temptaion - I can find it by myself.

We have enough youth - how about a Fountain of Smart

End racism...kill everyone

All generalizations are false

I'm pro choice, I choose to hunt, trap, eat meat and wear fur

HELP! I've tripped and I can't get down

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I'm so romantic, I should marry myself.