While I don't know much about step parenting... I was raised by my married biological parents... my father travelled consistently and was essentially around for the "weekends" of my life. He fathered us by phone to present the "united" front the household needed. It didn't take long for us to figure out that the act of "telling Daddy" when he got home everything Mommy wouldn't let us do ... or the other sibling did wrong wasn't going to get us any pleasantries... We had our opportunity every evening to share with him the days ups and downs and they were dealt with immediately. he supported every single decision my mom made when she was left alone with us. The appearance of a united front is essential for any child. Children of all ages will find the angle to get their way everytime. if you choose to remain in this relationship, i think it is well within your reason to demand that you have equal say of what happens within the household... afterall when other children visit I think they are required to "abide by your rules" not those that their parents set forth at their home... or at least that's the life I knew....