sigh...Alright im new to sex pretty much i just started having sex last july and a couple days ago was me and my fiances 7 month anniversary. Anyways lately ive been feeling really insecure about myself and have been emotionally unstable on and off and im pretty scared because i havent really been that experienced and this is the only guy ive ever had sex with and this is both of our's first serious relationship. So anyways, a while ago after spending a tweak-feeled weekend with him watching my cousins trailor we came back and i saw a porno called "a girls affair" of course it upset me because at one time at a show he was flirting with this bisexual girl and kept gawking when this girl kissed a female friend of mine. Anyways it made me feel 2nd rate and yeah i did feel a little threatened even though i learned his intentions for "being" nice later was for an acid hookup (dumb...blah personal stupid shit) So back on topic i started crying and than he smashed it and said if i dont want him to have porn than he wont. Am i being a bitch? I mean i odnt care we all wank off , everybody finds everybody else attractive, but im trying to feel better about myself and he seems to be feeding on my insecurities for the past month or so, and im not sure he realizes it and im not sure how to address the issue. Were goin to a porn shop tomarrow and im considering getting a movie but im also shady on the subject at the same time because i feel like im not as attractive and i feel like if we have sex after it than hes thinking of them...I dont know, im not being a bitch i know im not.

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"thats the worst fuckin head i ever got in my entire life! next time dont be so fuckin eagar!" ~natual born killers

"beauty from the tips of her spikey hair down to her steel caped toes"

punkgrrl18,

First off, let me say that I have *never* known a man to prefer a porno to the warm and willing woman sitting next to him. I find it hard to believe that your man wouldn't finish the show, then be perfectly happy to end up in your arms.

Have confidence in your self! This guy is obviously "into" you ~ doubting the sincerity of his feelings will only make you LESS attractive to him. Everyone prefers to be around people who are confident in their sexuality!

Talk to your friends, and use them as a sounding board. I thik you need to get over your insecurities, and I am sure you can do it. You're a strong and sexy girl with a bright future ahead of you!

Good luck! (((hugs)))

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Life is too short not to love and be loved....preferably multiple times in one night.

I think men talk to women so they can sleep with them and women sleep with men so they can talk to them. ~ Jay McInerney

punkgrrl18,

Do not fear his fantasies, they are immaterial, and you can make them vanish with your presence.

You be you with and for him. You cannot be a fantasy, nor can you compete with one. Nor should you.

Male fantasies are usually harmless.

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Eudaimonia

I read this last night and could not adequately respond at the time. Been thinking of it on and off.

But having read the 2 previous replies I agree with them.

Pornos are grist for the imagination and add spice to the meal.

They are not the main course. You dear girl are the main course and the desert. He is your finace which means he has asked you to marry him and spend the rest of your life with him. That is a very significant thing.

Also the thing about him watching 2 of your female friends kiss. That would get my complete attention too and would turn me on. Men find that very erotic. Its not a reflection of his attraction to you, it has nothing to do with you or any attraction or fidelity issues. It was real, hot and erotic in front of his eyes.

There is so much to learn about yourself, him and as a couple, sexually, emotionally practically and any other ..ly you can think of You are young have not had much experience so you will grow and change in your attitudes to many things yet.

best of luck and do not worry too much, I think your man is just trying to add to your intimacy.

Another thought, if you remain concerned, ask him openly, having that communication is very important in a realtionship. I imagine his reaction would be surprise that you thought that way.

no no its not that im worrying about him "preferring" porno to me, its not that at all that hasnt happened and i dont believe it will ever. I just dont really like it and i realize its my own insecurities but im not going to be ashamed if he wants girls like that he can go get em im not lke that and i never will be. He doesnt want me like that, he explained he doesnt wanna see dick in porn and that there just tits and ass and he wouldnt go near those "skanky little hos" And we went to a porn shop on valentines and got ourselves a toy or two (one as a gaggift for a friends bday) And yeah we had fun, i recall him saying one time that he feels inferior to my vibrator, well now he knows how it feels and now he feels guilty. Im not trying to make him feel guilty, masturbation is masturbation, theres a lot of attractive people. But we just discussed it and he said as long as im not comfortable with it than i dont have to worry and that he doesnt even want it around if it makes me feel insecure. So im happy. I will never allow it to be the "appetizer" or something ot get you ready for hte main course, FUCK THAT, if he wants to get hard to other bitches and than fuck me...while hes probably thinking of them sexin eachohter up he can get the fuck out. I dont think its asking much at all, he doesnt either, so everythings worked out now and were talking a lot more about whta lead up to me being insecure.

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"thats the worst fuckin head i ever got in my entire life! next time dont be so fuckin eagar!" ~natual born killers

"beauty from the tips of her spikey hair down to her steel caped toes"

and if he ever does give other girls more attention than me than yeah i will be a bitch about it. thats just fucking rude. and if he does ill print up a whole load of naked guys and use my vibrator right there. two can play that game.

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"thats the worst fuckin head i ever got in my entire life! next time dont be so fuckin eagar!" ~natual born killers

"beauty from the tips of her spikey hair down to her steel caped toes"

punkgrrl18 -

I think perhaps you need some help understanding the attraction of porn for men. Porn is a turn on for men, not because they are particularly attracted to the women in the movies (just ask anyone here and they will tell you that they prefer their women a bit more real than the digitally enhanced, silicone stuffed, fake tanned females in your average porno).

The fact is that men (and in fact women) watch porn because it is arousing to watch people in the act of sexual intercourse. The chances are your guy is not lusting after the women in the porno's as much as he is lusting after the experience that they are sharing (e.g. perhaps the idea of watching two women together is a turn on, however the only way he can do that is through porn.)

Men and women fantasise differently - your boyfriend watches porn and probably gets off to it, but that doesn't mean he finds the people in the movie more desirable than you, I wonder if you can say the same, when going to see a regular movie with your favourite heart throb in it......?

__________________
"Time flies like an arrow -
Fruit flies like a banana"

M Y - N A U G H T Y - P I C T U R E S ! !

its not like he cant watch two girls together, im bi-curious but that doesnt mean im gonna be a big ol' attention whore and kiss other girls just for guys to gawk at. Its cheating with permission and we've both agreed that it is (to us) I dont believe in double standards either, so if i had to get with a girl he would have to get witha guy, thats just how i am. I dont think is hould ever feel cheated or that im doing it for someone else, when it would be for me but how would he know? I dont thinkt hats showing any appreciation and we've also had the talk about the threesome saying that both of us dont want it and the main reason why he was watching lesbians was because he doesnt like seeing dick when hes trying to get off and thats fine to me but it cant be pushed in my face like that im very sensitive about it cause im pretty sure i have some closet bisexuality going on anyways and i want to be all he needs and hes starting to make me feel that way just now. Its all fine now, he compromised for me so now i know he really does care about me, andi knew before but im new to the whole "weve been together for 7 months , 19 and 20, were engaged and its fucking scary sometimes" phase. We're gonna end up watching porn sooner or later, but right now im not comfortable with it and i mean i dont know what im doing anyways ive never been in a real relationship and hes the first guy i ever had sex with and i cant help but dissect everything that goes on sometimes.

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"thats the worst fuckin head i ever got in my entire life! next time dont be so fuckin eagar!" ~natual born killers

"beauty from the tips of her spikey hair down to her steel caped toes"

i dont really care for hollywood type guys, some are attractive but i dont have pictures of my wall of them (i mean when i was 14 i had pictures of movie guys i find repulsive now but i grew out of it) I have pictures of guys in punk bands and shit and there cool and yes attractive but i dont think of em sexually.

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"thats the worst fuckin head i ever got in my entire life! next time dont be so fuckin eagar!" ~natual born killers

"beauty from the tips of her spikey hair down to her steel caped toes"

The important thing is that you talked it over with him and found a solution that makes everyone feel good. That openness and honesty is going to do you guys a power of good in the long run.

definitely and i dont thikn it makes me a prude at all, our sex life is amazing and usually gets better each time. Porn one day, not now though its just...irritating, and no im not a control freak or anything it just makes me uncomfortable this early. I dont need to be spiced up before sex, and if he needs to get excited by watching porn the second before having sex with me, than hes not right for me at all and i dont think a relationship goes well if you need excitement right before you have sex, thats just me though. We've come to an agreement and he feels perfectly fine with it so i aint worried

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"thats the worst fuckin head i ever got in my entire life! next time dont be so fuckin eagar!" ~natual born killers

"beauty from the tips of her spikey hair down to her steel caped toes"

what i mean if that did sound confusing is i dont think you need to have visual stimilation right when theres a person right there. And that hasnt happened or anything but i would take that as a huge insult. "spicing" it up is one thing and foreplay is a must for me to get excited before sex but its different

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"thats the worst fuckin head i ever got in my entire life! next time dont be so fuckin eagar!" ~natual born killers

"beauty from the tips of her spikey hair down to her steel caped toes"

I can see where you are coming from and you are honest about your feelings both to yourself and with your fiance

That is a very sound foundation for you having a long mutually satisfying marriage together.

Also impressed that he was so sensitive to your feelings. He is your first but you seemed to have found a keeper first off

I hope that you are both happy and grow closer and closer as time passes

Hugs

punkgrrl18 -

I think you may have missed my point somewhat. In your original post you made it sound as though you were upset that he was lusting after the women in the porn films. My point is, he probably isn't. It's just watching the sexual act is a turn on.

I also got the impression that his porn vids were for his solo use, in which case, for men at least, visual stimulation is important for masturbation, when there is no other person there.

I think it's clear from your posts that you are insecure and seem incredibly muddled emotionally right now. I really hope you think seriously about your decision to marry someone you've only been with for a short amount of time. You are very young still, and I think you should take some time to get to know and love yourself a little better before you commit yourself to a lifetime with someone else. After all, if you and your guy, are going to with each other for ever, there is no hurry to tie the knot, is there?


I know you will probably think I'm totally out of place saying this, but I would be doing you a dis-service if I didn't mention this to you now. I really hope everything works out for you.

__________________
"Time flies like an arrow -
Fruit flies like a banana"

M Y - N A U G H T Y - P I C T U R E S ! !