Q. Why did God give men penises?
A. So they'd have at least one way to shut a woman up.

Q. What's the difference between a paycheck and your dick?
A. You don't have to beg a woman to blow your check.

Q. How is a woman like a laxative?
A. They both irritate the shit out of you.

Q. What are the small bumps around a woman's nipples for?
A. It's Braille for "suck here".

Q. Why do men die before their wives?
A. They want to.

Q. Did you hear about the guy who finally figured out women?
A. He died laughing before he could tell anybody.

Q. What's the difference between a woman with PMS and a pit bull?
A. Lipstick.

Q. Why do women have tits?
A. So men will talk to them.

Q. What's the difference between a woman and a coffin?
A. You come in one and go in the other.

Q. Why do women close their eyes during sex?
A. They can't stand seeing a man have a good time.

Q. What's six inches long and two inches wide and drives women wild?
A. Money.

Q. Why did the army send so many women with PMS to the Persian Gulf?
A. They fought like animals and retained water for 4 days.

Q. What's the difference between your wife and your job?
A. After 5 years your job will still suck.

Q. What's the best thing about a blow job?
A. Ten minutes of silence.

and finally...

Q. Why are hurricanes normally named after women?
A. When they come they're wild and wet, but when they go they take your
house and car with them...

Just jokes ladies ,I found them , I didn't write them, hahaha

__________________
The Wombat : eats roots and leaves.

__________________
"I am so smart! S-M-R-T!" - Homer Simpson

The sun is gone, but I have a light - Kurt Cobain

~I love Nikki~

Ok ladies ,just so you know I'm an equal opportunity sexist here's the mens ones ;

Men are like...

Men are like... place mats. They only show up when there's food
on the table.

Men are like... mascara. They usually run at the first sign of
emotion.

Men are like... bike helmets. Handy in an emergency, but
otherwise they just look silly.

Men are like... government bonds. They take so long to mature.

Men are like... parking spots. All the good ones are taken.

Men are like... copiers. You need them for reproduction, but
that's about it.

Men are like... lava lamps. Fun to look at, but not all that
bright.

Men are like... bank accounts. Without a lot of money, they don't
generate much interest.

Men are like... high heels. They're easy to walk on once you get
the hang of it.

Men are like... miniskirts. If you're not careful, they'll creep
up your legs.

__________________
The Wombat : eats roots and leaves.

Hmmmmm.........LMAO!!!!!!!

Why do blokes have a hole in their penis?
.........So they can get air to their brain...

Why don't guys use toilet paper?
..........Because God made them perfect arses......

What to you call a guy with 90% of his intelligence gone?
..........Divorced.....

Why do guys hate wearing condoms?
..........It cuts off the circulation to their brain...

What do a clit, an anniversary and a toilet have in common?
.........Guys always miss them......

What's the best way to get a bloke to do something?
.........Suggest he's too old for it.....

How do you know when a guy is going to say something clever?
.........He starts off with "My girlfriend says.....

Why are all blonde jokes one liners?
.........So guys can understand them......

OMG......... ..........JUST JOKING....!!!!!!

__________________
~ Nikki ~

"In love there are no rules".......Bono

Q. Why did God create woman?
A. To carry semen from the bedroom to the toilet.

Q. If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love?
A. The swallow.

Q. How do you annoy your girlfriend during sex?
A. Phone her.

Q. Why do women fake orgasms?
A. Because they think men care.

Q. What is the definition of "making love"?
A. Something a woman does while a guy is screwing her.

Q. What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
A. Slow down and use a lubricant.

Q. What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex?
A. Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak

Q. How many sexists does it take to change a light bulb?
A. None, let the bitch cook in the dark.

Q. What's the difference between pre-menstrual tension and B.S.E?
A. One's mad cow disease, the other's an agricultural problem.

Q. What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?
A. Nothing, she's been told twice already.

Q. If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag
at you, what have you done wrong?
A. Made her chain too long

Q. How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
A. Marry her!

Q. What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A. A battery has a positive side.

Q. How is a woman like a condom?
A. Both of them spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.

Q. How are tornadoes and marriage alike?
A. They both begin with a lot of blowing and sucking, and in
the end you lose your house.

Q. Why does a bride smile when she walks up the aisle?
A. She knows she's given her last blow job.

__________________
The Wombat : eats roots and leaves.

Oh No you did not!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ROTFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

__________________

The practice of putting women on pedestals began to die out when it was discovered that they could give orders better from there.~ Betty Grable

If I wanted your opinion, I'd remove the duct tape and ask you for it.~ Me
<~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~>
One man's dream is another man's nightmare~~~~> §¤ Lilith ¤§
~>My Scribbles<~
==>Gone Shopping<== ~Just a Quickie~ *~A Celebration Vacation~* ~Surprises~ Sleeping With the Window Open
What Did You Do Today? Self Defense Class ~Short Sweet Snippets~ § Summer Spin § Story Challenge Submission Pajamas

mmmm.........I have always heard that God created MEN because SHE was joking!!!

How men&women look at shopping differently!
Woman(Wife or Daughter)I saved 10% of your money!They had a
10% off sale!
Man:That's 90% more then I was planning on spending! Irish

__________________
Irish---Better to be dead & cool,then alive & uncool!
(Harley Davidson & the Marlboro Man)

When god created man...

...he was only kidding

__________________
If every material thing is gone, my smile and my tears stay left.

Funny stuff, guys (and gals)!


I'm glad to see you all are equal oppurtunity offenders.

My fav? The difference between oral sex and anal sex...

I just made a total fool of myself, laughing at that one.

Talk about RollingOnTheFloorLaughingMyF*ckingAssOff !!

__________________
I'm your Huckleberry.

----------------------------------------------
SEX QUIZ FOR REAL MEN
-----------------------------------------------
1.In the company of females, intercourse should be referred to as:
A. Lovemaking.
B. Screwing.
C. Taking the pigskin bus to tuna town.

2.You should make love to a woman for the first time only after you've both
shared:
A.Your views about what you expect from a sexual relationship.
B.Your blood-test results.
C.Five tequila slammers.

3.You time your orgasm so that:
A.Your partner climaxes first.
B.You both climax simultaneously.
C.You don't miss ESPN Sports Center.

4.Passionate, spontaneous sex on the kitchen floor is:
A.Healthy, creative love-play.
B.Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend would agree to.
C.Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend needs to ever find out about.

5.Spending the whole night cuddling a woman you've just had sex with is:
A. The best part of the experience.
B. The second best part of the experience.
C. $100 extra.

6.Your wife/girlfriend says she's gained five pounds in the last month. You
tell her that it is:
A.Of no influence on your affectionate feelings for her.
B.Not a problem, she can join your gym.
C.A conservative estimate.

7.You think today's sensitive, caring man is:
A.A myth.
B.An oxymoron.
C.A moron.

8.Foreplay is to sex as:
A.An appetizer is to entree.
B.Primer is to paint.
C.A long line is to an amusement park ride.

9.Which of the following are you most likely to find yourself saying at the
end of a relationship?
A."I hope we can still be friends."
B."I'm not in right now, please leave a message at the beep."
C."Welcome to Dumpsville. Population, YOU."

10.A woman who is uncomfortable watching you masturbate:
A.Probably needs a little more time before she can cope with that sort of
intimacy.
B.Is uptight and a waste of time.
C.Shouldn't have sat next to you on the bus in the first place.

__________________
Calm, quiet, smooth, devastating

OF---That's an easy quiz!The awnser is C to all the above!
Irish
P.S.I already entered this thread under "Donnas Favorites"so
that my wife won't miss it!

__________________
Irish---Better to be dead & cool,then alive & uncool!
(Harley Davidson & the Marlboro Man)