Would an unsatisfying sex life without hope of improvement cause you to dissolve a relationship? How long could you go without sexual intercourse and still preserve a healthy relationship?



This question (as well as several of the ones I posted the other night come from a wonderful book I have). This is what the book says about this question:

A man cannot achieve fulfillment in his marriage unless his wife is sexually fulfilled as well.



Okay.. my personal experience.. is their above comment is correct. In the marriage that I had, my husband was not fulfilled, and that was my doing (yes, it is true). I think that it is all part of the big picture.. a cycle.. if one of the pair is unhappy with a portion of the relationship.. it is going to spill over to their sexual intimacy.. and it snow balls from there... making the odds of the relationship surviving slim to none...

your thoughts

I would have to agree with your statement "A man cannot achieve fulfillment in his marriage unless his wife is sexually fulfilled as well." and it definitely is true vice versa. If something is wrong in a relationship, whatever it is, like you said it tends to spillover into other aspects and can take some time to repair the damage that is done.

Of course it doesn't even have to be due to sexual fulfillment, it could be a lack of intimacy, attention, ect. As for if I could go without sexual intercourse and still preserve a healthy relationship...I think it is possible, but when I am in a relationship with someone, I often link intimacy and sexual relations together. Haha as corny as this sounds, when I do care for someone, it isn't sex to me, it truly is making love (although you can still fuck, I think that is the beauty of it...you can range from slow, smoldering passiong to just wild, animalistic, primal fucking, all depending on the mood).

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"And as we all play parts of tomorrow, some ways will work and other ways we'll play. And I know we can't all stay here forever, so I'll write, my words on the face of today...and then they'll paint it" - Shannon Hoon

variety being the spice of life, if everytime you go to bed with your partner and you know every move that will be made, how can thier be any fulfillment? thier can't! both partners should always be willing to experiment.

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Rain: Liquid Sunshine!

Life's A Bitch, but I Deal withit!!

Jenna I read this last night and ended up mulling this question over all evening. I think that you are right about sexual fulfillment not being achieved can cause a rift, but as far as the relationship ending I am not to sure. I can honestly see in my own relationship that there will be a point where there will be little to no sexual intimacy any more, but does that mean my responsibility and pledges I made will no longer exist, I don't thinks so. Now, I do have funny ideas when it comes to monogomy that I wrestle with all the time, and someday I may be faced with a real decision on what to do about them, but I usually sum them up in my brain in one way, and it may be a morally corrupt way to look at things, but just my thoughts.

Love can exist without sex, but on the other hand I believe there can be sex that doesnt have anything to do with love.

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Love...the slowest form of suicide.

I agree with skipthisone. Some people make compromises in the bedroom for other aspects in the relationship.

I ditto what Steph said;but in my case;my wife and I had enough
sexual contact;between us;to find out that we both satisfied the
other.We were also open about many things;like masturbation;to
allow for the slight difference in sexual drive.Over the years;
intimacy is very important but I think honesty(between each other)is the most important! Irish
P.S.My $.02;speaking from 30+yrs of married experience.We have been married since May 1 1965!

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Irish---Better to be dead & cool,then alive & uncool!
(Harley Davidson & the Marlboro Man)

I agree totally.
I'm going through it now. Thats is what got me lookin at this site.My wife was always very active until we had our 4th child.She was 37 when he was born. Afterwards she lost all her sex drive and it left me very fustrated because I was use to having sex at least once a day and twice on sundays. She complained of discomfort from the apesiodomy and being just unintrested. I could only get her to enjoy it a day or two after her period.

It allmost ruined our marraige. I was very close to being unfaithful for the first time. I had a beautiful 27 year old that was tempting me to leave her but I love my new son way to much to lose him so we are workin through it I hope.

It's really hard to disagree. If you substitute "comitted relationship" for "marriage", then it should become obvious that in the relationship, both (or all, I don't hold to the enforced idea that comitted relationships can be between only two people) people should be able to have their needs fulfilled. This applies to any aspect, not just sexual aspects of the relationship. It is also a fact that in the vast majority of cases, people don't compartmentalize the aspects of their relationships. If something is wrong with one part, then that does affect their outlook and behavior. So, they tend to react to that by looking at other aspects of their relationships, and then making decisions on those actions/reactions.

IOW, if one partner is dissatisfied with his/her sex life, the usual reaction is to either nag their partner(s) to change in ways acceptable to the dissatisfied, or to retaliate in some way.

Healthy give and take also comes into play, but unfortunately, not a whole lot of people tend to do this.

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On the kinkometer, my kink measures as a sine wave.

Remember when you first started having sex either with a girlfriend/boyfriend or your wife/husband? Remember doing it all the time? Notice how some of you have to remember it instead of thinking about that's how it is now?

Well, as the months and years go by, priorities and other commitments take over. I heard something funny on the radio the other day: The radio personality said he saw the Josh Hartnett movie "40 Nights." In the movie, apparently Harnett had to refrain from having sex with a girl for 40 days and nights. The radio guy said, "how difficult is that, its called marriage." Well all the married guys in the office started cracking up.

Anyways, as for ending the relationship ... it depends and partly because I separate the act of sex from the act of love. There is nothing loving (to me at least) about sloppy, sweaty, smelly, sticky fucking ... it's just that, sex.

I guess I would sum it up this way: If your S/O were in a car accident that left them paralyzed from the waist down, would you leave them because they couldn't have sex? I know I wouldn't. I didn't marry my wife because she's good at doing it doggie-style.

Oh well, there's my 2-cents.

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CK

"Women, you can't live with them ... pass the beer nuts." - Norm Peterson (George Wednt) on Cheers

"Sometimes you just have to say, what the fuck." - Tom Cruise in Risky Business

"It tastes so good. Once it hits your lips." - Frank the Tank in Old School

Great post gekkogecko!

I think it's also the first one I've seen from you that was totally serious! LOL

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Everyone knows that laugher is great foreplay!

If my wife denied me sex maliciously then possibly depending on other aspects of the relationship.

If she could not have sex with me for some other reason i.e. a known physical or mental disorder then no.

My wife feelings will always be more important than our sex life.

CHING-there goes my penny's worth.

With my marriage I get very frustrated if my wife is not interested in making love to me . We can go 4+ without making love.This frustration overflows into all other aspects of our relationship. However, when I am "getting it" I seem to be happier and make my wifes life easier as well, by being more understanding, more helpful around the house, and more cuddly and intimate.

On the other hand my wife says that when I am happier and less frustrated she feels warmer towards me and is willing to have sex more often.

It is a catch 22 situation, one that we are working towards correcting.

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Flattery will get you everywhere!

Well, I don't mean to be a party-pooper, but before a book should be considered as valid in a relationship, both parties need to agree to that. If not, then one partner is liable to think the other is going-behind-their-back, for whatever reason. I ain't a shrink, but have seen enough couples bust up over sex, or lack thereof, or any of a dozen other reasons, when the actual reason had nothing to do with it at all.
Isn't it just easier to be best friends before marriage and continue on, so that any little thing like a decrease in sex drive, can be rationally talked about?
There.
Got all of MY talking done with for the year!
(audience cheers!!!)

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