Got this from a pilot friend of mine and thought you'd enjoy ...

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Subject: For You Aviation Types Here are some conversations that airline passengers normally will never hear. The following are accounts of actual exchanges between airline pilots and control towers from around the world.

While taxiing at London Gatwick Airport, the crew of a US Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727. An irate female ground controller lashed out at the US Air crew, screaming: "US Air 2771, where the hell are you going?! I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I know it's difficult for you to tell the difference between C and D, but get it right!" Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically: "God! Now you've screwed everything up! It'll take forever to sort this out! You stay right th! ere and don't move till I tell you to! You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you! You got that, US Air 2771?"

"Yes ma'am," the humbled crew responded. Naturally, the ground control communications frequency fell terribly silent after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to chance engaging the irate ground controller in her current state of mind. Tension in every cockpit out in Gatwick was definitely running high.

Just then an unknown pilot broke the silence and keyed his microphone, asking: "Wasn't I married to you once?" ==============================================
A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an exceedingly long Roll out after touching down. San Jose Tower Noted: "American 751, make a hard right turn at! the end of the runway, if you are able. If you are not able, take the Guadalupe exit off Highway 101, make a right at the lights and return to the airport." ==============================================
From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoff queue: "I'm f...ing bored!"

Ground Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself immediately!"

Unknown aircraft: "I said I was f...ing bored, not f...ing stupid!" ==============================================
Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on Frequency 124.7" Eastern 702:

"Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the way, after we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway."

Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff behind Eastern 702, Contact Departure on frequency 124.7. Did you copy! that report from Eastern 702?"

Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger; and yes, we copied Eastern... we've already notified our caterers" ==============================================
The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747, call sign Speedbird 206".

Speedbird 206: "Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of active runway."

Ground: "Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven."

The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.

Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"

Speedbird 206: "Stand by,! Ground, I'm looking up our gate location now."

Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, have you not been to Frankfurt before?"

Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944 -- but I didn't land."
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O'Hare Approach Control to a 747: "United 329 heavy, your traffic is a Fokker, one o'clock, three miles, Eastbound."

United 239: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this... I've got the little Fokker in sight."
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A Pan Am 727 flight waiting for start clearance in Munich overheard The following:

Lufthansa (in German): "Ground, what is our start clearance time?"

Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must speak in English."

Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a German airplane, in Germany. Why must I speak English?"

Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent): "Because you lost the bloody war."

Thanks for my morning almost spit coffee on the monitor giggle. I loved the Fokker one. With your permission I might cut & paste it to an email to a pilot friend of mine.

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As to marriage or celibacy, let a man take which course he will. He will be sure to repent - Socrates

Love is not looking in each other's eyes, but looking together in the same direction - Antoine De Saint-Exupery

LOVED them dicksbro!!

My ex-wife was a "hostie" for a while, a few years ago, and she used to have some real SCARY stories about some of the things the pilots got up to! Good job I love flying, else I'd never have got on another one in my life!!!

DM

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The selfish, they're all standing in line
Faithing and hoping to buy themselves time
Me, I figure as each breath goes by
I only own my mind

My husband was an air traffic controller when I met him. He worked in the tower at Westfield, Ma and later in the radar room at Quonset Point, RI.

He brought home many stories like the ones from your pilot friend DB, but told from the controllers end of it. They were funny!!

Well, hubbys no longer an air traffic controller. He was one of the many PATCO members working for the FAA who went on strike back in 1981. If you recall they were all fired by the president. Not to many people can say that. lol. I was 8 months pregnant with my oldest daughter. A very memorable year indeed.

teddy

Absolutely great.

Thanks BD.

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Bahaha! Great reading for someone who just woke up and could use a chuckle.

lmao...I love the one where the pilot is bored..not f'in stupid!

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Minds are like parachutes. They only work when they are open.

~Thomas Dewar~

"Because you lost the bloody war."


*ROFLMAO* *wiping a tear from my eye*

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~*Larky*~

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