One way of doing this can be in a discussion ... such as ...

You know I read somewhere that a lot of people fantasize about ..... (fill in the blank with whatever) .... do you think that could be true ... then ask him some questions about why he thinks such and such would be exciting to many people (or not). It's much less intimidating to comment on what you think about what other people think and for the most part it is a true expression of your own feelings to do so ... also, opening up about fantasies can be incredibly personal ... so start by discussing fantasies that tend to be fairly common and/or mainstream ... once you've both become somewhat comfortable in doing that, you can start discussing ones that don't seem so common. good luck!

You could gather your courage, prepare yourself and tell him something really steamy that'll get his juices flowing, or read him an erotic story... then ask him if he's ever thought about doing that, and if he'd like to do it with you. It'll open up a conversation and point you in the right direction.

__________________
Dear Lord, I pray for wisdom to understand my man, love to forgive him, and patience for his moods. Because Lord, if I pray for strength, I'll beat him to death. AMEN


It's no trick loving somebody at their best. Love is loving them at their worst.
~Tom Stoppard~


It isn't premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married.
~George Burns~


As bad as I am, I'm proud of the fact that I'm worse than I seem.
~A. DiFranco~

good advice from both ladies ^^^

you could tell him yours.

__________________
Trees give peace to the souls of men * Nora Waln

The forest would be very quiet if no other birds sang than those who sing the best * Henry van Dyke

some fairly sordid tales, rambles, and anecdotes
Hypothetically Speaking * Something More * Cammy Interrupted * An Experimental Vacation * Masked * so..damn..hot * Thank You * My toy, his idea * no.19 Maple Lane * I Have A Surprise For You * Yesterday * In a Quiet Kitchen * help me decide * untitled prose * more untitled prose

You could slip a print version of a story here that turns you on into his lunchbox/briefcase/pillowcase

__________________

The practice of putting women on pedestals began to die out when it was discovered that they could give orders better from there.~ Betty Grable

If I wanted your opinion, I'd remove the duct tape and ask you for it.~ Me
<~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~>
One man's dream is another man's nightmare~~~~> §¤ Lilith ¤§
~>My Scribbles<~
==>Gone Shopping<== ~Just a Quickie~ *~A Celebration Vacation~* ~Surprises~ Sleeping With the Window Open
What Did You Do Today? Self Defense Class ~Short Sweet Snippets~ § Summer Spin § Story Challenge Submission Pajamas

That is the whole point i cant get the courage to come right out and say it but i have been trying to formulate something all day. me and my hubby regularly email stuff back and forth. i was thinking maybe email him erotic stories(as i have a membership with several story porn sites, i like reading erotica better then seeing it.) and say ...ok which of these two or three do you like best or what ever, but im not sure if he would respond correctly. usually when i do something like that i get " why did you send this?" But no real answer.

i feel almost as if he doesnt want to talk about sex to me at all as my first post hints at. perhaps he has issues like mine. But that doesnt seem to be the case. i know there are somethings he likes and we've tried a few things but i cant do the "one" that i think he would get off on the most. that he liked the best.

he likes fisting and i am just too small. the best we got was four ... and that last knuckle just hurt too much. he says it isnt a big deal buti know it is. We have tried anal though he isnt so into this as fisting.And now he doesnt seem to want to eentry anymore. but i cant seem to tell him i want to try again... only this time a little slower and that more lube would help.

here is another question i seen advertised on a porn site the women could learn to "squirt" when they come ... i am wondering if this is true . i would like to try that , yknow as a surprise for him.

Serious Communication Issue Callie *SCIC* lol

And thank you ladies for all your suggestions i will try those i am just lost as to what will get the type of response from him.... namely a verbal responce or conversation. Not just a little extra encounter between the sheets without a word.

You need to have a serious conversation with him about how his non-committal reactions to your questions are making you feel.

I recently went through a similar thing, whereby I was beginning to get concerned that we needed to act in order to make sure we didn't get lazy and lose the spark in our relationship, as I could see a few tell tale signs that we might be heading in that direction.

I began to try to draw a little more out of my SO about his fantasies and preferences and too, was met with 'I don't know'. The problem is, that women are brought up to believe that men are more sexual creatures than us, and that burning just below the surface are a host of unspeakable fantasies and fetishes that they're just waiting for a woman to take interest in. The reality is, that a lot of the time that just isn't true and that men need to spend time and energy learning about themselves and exploring their sexuality further, just like women do.

Eventually, after several failed conversations with him on this subject, I talked it through with a good friend of mine, and came to some conclusions about our sex life. One of the main things was that I was putting a lot of pressure on him to come up with his fantasies so that I could indulge them (because indulging other people's fantasies is what really turns me on) but what if, in fact we're both 'pleasers' sexually speaking? What if his biggest turn on is, in fact, indulging my fantasies etc? When I looked at it this way, I realised that I needed to explore further and develop my own, self centred fantasies in order to break the circle.

With my new found insight, I then talked to him about it, and for the first time, I was able to communicate how important it was to me (and to the relationship) that we addressed the needs of our sex life and made an effort to maintain it, rather than just assuming it would always tick along like clockwork. After sharing my fears, tears and hurt at his 'I dunno' reactions (i.e. if you can't be bothered to think about this, you can't be bothered to care about our realtionship) I finally got the message across and we both resolved to communicate more openly about our needs and desires, and not to fall into the 'oh I'm just too tired tonight honey' pitfalls which often plague relationships and make it so much easier to be tempted away by someone new.

It was only when I'd explained where I could see the relationship going if we didn't address the issue, that I was able to get some serious responses from him, but it was well worth a somewhat anguished conversation and tears on both sides to get the issue dealt with. Since the conversation however, the discussion has been taken to heart by both sides, and we are both making more effort to make time for each other. It's great.

I know that sharing this will destroy a lot of Pixie-people's belief that Fussy and I are 'the perfect couple' but it's worth it if the story of our experience can help you and your partner communicate more openly. Good luck sweetie.

__________________
"Time flies like an arrow -
Fruit flies like a banana"

M Y - N A U G H T Y - P I C T U R E S ! !

oh !! I dint think of that. oh boy now where to try and get this into a conversation. i willtry to work up the courage this weekend. i dont want to bring this up with him having so much work to do this week and a test to top it off.

the reason i am trying to figure him out is because since i got pregnant ( not that i didnt try beforei just figure i better try now since there has been a change) the sex has been slacking off ... just enough for me personally to notice... i dont even know if he has noticed. the only reason i noticed is cause i like sex... a lot... and already dont get enough... but i like it that way ... same as teasing myself. but he and i both knew i had a higher sex drive when we married. (no biggee to us)

Not at all...you are both people and therefore imperfect by design, we all are. "Perfect couple" is not a moniker I would wish on anyone. It's more important to be the "working hard at realizing we bring our own views, personality, and baggage into a relationship, couple" and accepting and loving eachother despite or even because of it.

__________________

The practice of putting women on pedestals began to die out when it was discovered that they could give orders better from there.~ Betty Grable

If I wanted your opinion, I'd remove the duct tape and ask you for it.~ Me
<~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~>
One man's dream is another man's nightmare~~~~> §¤ Lilith ¤§
~>My Scribbles<~
==>Gone Shopping<== ~Just a Quickie~ *~A Celebration Vacation~* ~Surprises~ Sleeping With the Window Open
What Did You Do Today? Self Defense Class ~Short Sweet Snippets~ § Summer Spin § Story Challenge Submission Pajamas

Callie, here's something else you might try. At Pillowmail, you can personalize and send erotic stories, some of which are really wild. Check it out...

http://www.pillowmail.com/index.php/rd_/story

__________________
Dear Lord, I pray for wisdom to understand my man, love to forgive him, and patience for his moods. Because Lord, if I pray for strength, I'll beat him to death. AMEN


It's no trick loving somebody at their best. Love is loving them at their worst.
~Tom Stoppard~


It isn't premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married.
~George Burns~


As bad as I am, I'm proud of the fact that I'm worse than I seem.
~A. DiFranco~

oohhh thanks i'm going to check it out right now. ... i just wonder when he will check his email and actually find the ecard when i find 1,2 ...5 that i like. lol

me likey, me likey! i love this place and the stories are great!! I think i'll check out a few more to see if i want to send any more of them to brandan.


thanks y'all, you've been very helpful.

P.S. as soo as i hook up my printer, i'll be trying the "leave a story on his desk" scenerio. (dont worry though the desk is here at home)


I he opens up just a little i'll tr to talk it out completely.

maybe i should just print out this forum for him to read. :thinking:

lou is right. you need some one on one communication and then there will be no ambiguity.

i was embarassed to talk about my turn-ons with my huband and i've know him 17 years or so. and he was the same way. we'd just sort of try something new during sex and be alert to those unspoken cues that say whatever it is you're doing, it's not fun. i still feel shy about certain stuf and i blush like mad when i talk about it but i can promise you that once it's been said it's not nearly as scary as you thought it would be. i can't give you the courage but someone needs to take the plunge. just go for it.

__________________
Trees give peace to the souls of men * Nora Waln

The forest would be very quiet if no other birds sang than those who sing the best * Henry van Dyke

some fairly sordid tales, rambles, and anecdotes
Hypothetically Speaking * Something More * Cammy Interrupted * An Experimental Vacation * Masked * so..damn..hot * Thank You * My toy, his idea * no.19 Maple Lane * I Have A Surprise For You * Yesterday * In a Quiet Kitchen * help me decide * untitled prose * more untitled prose

What do you all think?