Just got this, thought of PF ... and had to share it ...

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates. "In honor of this holy season," Saint Peter said, "you must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven."

The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He
flicked it on. It represents a candle, he said. You may pass through the pearly gates Saint Peter said.

The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys.
He shook them and said, "They're bells." Saint Peter said you may pass through the pearly gates.

The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and
finally pulled out a pair of women's panties. St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just what do those symbolize?"

The man replied, "These are Carols."

And So The HolidaySeason Begins....

TY DB

I'm so happy you started our season in a fitting way.

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*snicker*

Yup.

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Calm, quiet, smooth, devastating

*giggle*

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Minds are like parachutes. They only work when they are open.

~Thomas Dewar~

Really did LOL !!!

Thats great!! TY

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I like the bed I'm sleeping in, just like me it's broken in; it's not old -- just older.
Like a favorite pair of torn blue jeans, this skin I'm in it's alright with me; it's not old -- just older.....Bon Jovi

Got this one from my stepdad just a little bit ago.

How do you tell if it's cold enough outside to justify putting up your Christmas lights?

Attached Images

Yup, they're ready.jpg (36.6 KB, 160 views)

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It takes a gutless mouse to play only when the cat's away.

No love, no friendship, can cross the path of our destiny without leaving some mark on it forever. ~~ Francois Mocuriac

Confucius say, "He who masturbate into cash register come into money."

An optimist looks at the glass and says it's half full. A pessimist looks at the glass and says it's half empty. A Cubs fan looks at the glass and says, "When's it gonna spill?"

Deus Impetitio Esuritori Nullus

Here is the seasonal story I should have posted for DB, a few weeks back.

One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed little Alex standing in the foyer of the church staring up at a large plaque. It was covered with names with small American flags mounted on either side of it.

The 7-year-old had been staring at the plaque for some time. So the Pastor walked up, stood beside the little boy, and said quietly, "Good morning Alex."

"Good morning Pastor," he replied, still focused on the plaque.

"Pastor, what is this?" he asked.

The pastor said, "Well, son, it's a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service."

Soberly, they just stood together, staring at the large plaque.

Finally, little Alex's Voice, barely audible and trembling with fear, asked, "Which service, the 9:45 or the 11:15?"

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very funny!

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Just when the caterpiller thought the world was over, it became a butterfly!

Owning Pita, by my JassWolf!!
My Story~ Friday Night Spanking

PF ... I love it. That's cute.

Should have seen that comming. LOL

If Santa Answered His Mail Honestly.....

Deer Santa,
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. I'v ben a gud boy
all yeer.

Yer Friend, Billy

Dear Billy,
Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawncare. How about I send you a book so you can learn to read and spell? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell.

Santa

************************************************** ***
Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody!

Love, Sarah

Dear Sarah,
Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?

Santa

************************************************** **
Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.

Love, Teddy

Dear Teddy,
Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your frigid mom, who rides his ass constantly? It's time to give up that dream. Let me send you some Legos instead.

Santa

************************************************** **
Dear Santa,
I want a new bike, a Playstation 2, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba.

Love, Francis

Dear Francis,
Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I bet you're gay. I'll set you up with a Barbie.

Santa

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Dear Santa,
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the back door.

Love, Susan

Dear Susan,
Milk gives me the shits and carrots make the deer fart in my face when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Leave me a bottle of Scotch.

Santa
************************************************** **
Dear Santa,
What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making toys?

Your friend, Thomas

Dear Thomas,
All the toys are made in China. I have a condo in Vegas where I spend most of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by drinking myself silly and squeezing the asses of cocktail waitresses while losing money at the craps table. Hey, you wanted to know.

Santa
************************************************** **
Dear Santa,
Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake, like in the song?

Love, Jessica

Dear Jessica,
Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do. I'm skipping your house.

Santa

************************************************** **
Dear Santa,
I really want a puppy this year. Please, please, please, PLEASE,
PLEASE could I have one?

Love, Timmy

Dear Timmy,
That whiney begging shit may work with your folks, but that crap doesn't work with me. You're getting a sweater again.

Santa

************************************************** **
Dearest Santa,
We don't have a chimney in our house. How do you get into our home?

Love, Marky

Dear Mark,
First stop callling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting your ass whipped at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live in a low-rent apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like the boogeyman does, through your bedroom window.

Sweet dreams,
Santa

__________________
It takes a gutless mouse to play only when the cat's away.

No love, no friendship, can cross the path of our destiny without leaving some mark on it forever. ~~ Francois Mocuriac

Confucius say, "He who masturbate into cash register come into money."

An optimist looks at the glass and says it's half full. A pessimist looks at the glass and says it's half empty. A Cubs fan looks at the glass and says, "When's it gonna spill?"

Deus Impetitio Esuritori Nullus